DP's behaviour regressing

[theicemanducketh]

Yesterday dp hit his face on the car door when he was getting in. I was in passenger seat with dm and dd (5yo) in the back admittedly he broke his glasses and his face was cut, but he started throwing himself around and slammed his fist several times against the window by dm, scaring her and dd.

After things settled down and he apologised nothing more was said, but now dm is asking whether this is normal behaviour for him and why cant he control himself. (She always asks me questions like this - she would never speak directly to himabout anything more risky than whats on tv tonight. Trouble is, he had already banged around on getting out of the shower because he stubbed his toe.

He has lost it before, but this seems to be getting more frequent. His behaviour towards dd is also getting me down. He is very "Victorian" with her at times - expecting absolute obedience immediately. He gets impatient if results arent immediate - dd has always been quite difficult to handle (probably unsurprising with us as parents) but if I suggest trying a suggestion from a book or HV etc, if it doesn't work straight away he cant continue. He also does not seem to understand that a lot of dds behaviours are actually perfectly normal - a good example is her habit of getting up dead on 6.50am every day. Fine when he is up earlier than that and off to work leaving me to sort her out, but he cant understand why she doesnt sleep in at the W/E! I have friends whose kids get up much earlier, and they just get on with it.

Anyway, these probs are just building up and I am starting to lose respect and affection for him. Leaving is never easy with a child, and we have always worked hard at our relationship until now, but we just cant seem to agree on parenting issues. This is made even harder when he frequently behaves in a less mature manner than dd. I feel like making a star chart for him, but right now I dont think he would see the funny side of it. He is having a lot of stress at work, but denies that he is bringing it home. But his only interests at the moment are playing pool with the lads, online poker and sport on tv. This is not the man I used to know.

Any thoughts?

Depression can manifest itself in uncontrollable rages. It is very embarrassing to see a grown man set this kind of example in front of a child I totally agree, and really hard to live with as a partner, but he may be ill and need to see a GP as soon as possible.
Big sympathies to you. The denying there is any hangover from stress at work rings big alarm bells

Marina, thankyou. I had wondered about this as he has had a few episodes of depression in the past, but he keeps saying he is fine.

Two days ago he threw another (smaller) wobbly so I said that I thought he ought to see his GP and if he wouldn't, I would go for him. He huffed and pouted like Kevin the Teenager so I left him to stew. Since then he has been so bloody jolly I cant stand it. I'm going to ask him again what he plans to do. Trouble is, when I see him getting mad, I cant help wondering how long til he turns that on someone (so far he hasnt).

he does sound like he might have some sort of depression or stress related issue?

sounds just like my dp when he's depressed.

i can usually talk my dp out of it once its run it's course a bit (usually after a paticuarly nasty fight about something ridiculous when he realises how bad hes gotten) but ideally he should see a professional. (i'm the only one my dp will listen too, suffice to say when i met him he was in the process of trying to kill himself )

it can be frustrating dealing with tantrums from a grown man but try and see through the childish behaviour to what might be causing it.

i hope you resolve your problems as you do sound like you genuinely care for him