Don't need advice or even really support but thanks to anyone reading.Just need to get this out there and written down and don't want to bore the few close friends I confided in at the time about how close DH and I were to divorce and why.
It's almost 4 years since I discovered during the course of his working day running our joint business DH was meeting an OW almost every day for several months,and texting a lot.It got blown wide open when her DH went through her phone and found out she had told my DH she loved him.And was sending sexually explicit texts.Which my DH was responding to.
I made my decision to stay after many turbulent and emotional months.I stick by that.In the main things have been good / getting better between us.The sad thing is - and DH has said this himself - before he lost the plot things were great and we had what I thought was a happy ,solid marriage.
And now life's mainly good.He's a good man who did a stupid thing and who has shown me over and over how sorry he is.We all make mistakes and it would achieve nothing to split up now.
I still find him attractive.Our sex life is very good considering all the stuff going on including supporting each other with ageing and dying parents and grown up DCs still needing morale support out in the wide world.
And yet today that feeling of numbness,sadness and being broken is back.tbh I'm not sure it ever completely goes away.I just long to return to a more innocent time when I thought about DH and our marriage and all I felt was a huge,warm glow.But on days like these it's gone.
I know the reality is today I have seen the OW and I'm feeling anger towards her.Not for the original fact she went out of her way to arrange her day around my DHs schedule and all the texts and flirting.And I get totally that he was as complicit and the one responsible for our marriage.But anger for the fact she has now started an identical business to ours - ok it's a free world and she's by no means the only one - but that she crosses my path - literally - by operating in the same area.So that despite DH cutting all contact with her initially - which helped a lot - I now run into her several times a month.
Most times I can cope with it.But at this time of year and tbh when I'm hormonal as I am today I have all on not to tell her to p**s off and build up her business elsewhere.I don't think it's unreasonable to feel like that.But the effort not to say anything and to hold my head up high and get on with things feels hard.
I know in a day or so my mood will have shifted again and today I am wallowing.But that's why I post on here and can't even be bothered to name change.It doesn't affect our business in real terms.We have a very loyal and solid client base.I just find it crass and insensitive of her ,but guess that's just my perception.I know I shouldn't even let it get to me and most times now don't but have posted today because I need to vent and bringing it up with DH again after all this time is not the answer.I just have to shake myself down and get on with life .I will.