Spoke to my father last night. I have a TOXIC mother and a TOXIC sister in law. My mum winds up my dad and it ends up winding up my brother and SIL. For eg my parents decide to invite themselves along to their hols to spend time with grandchildren. They reluctantly agree but then my father then mentions all the stuff he (ie my mum) is not happy with so sounds like it ended up in a massive bust up with SIL telling my parents to get the fuck out of her house (she is an educated woman but ver narcissistic and selfish - all she does is for her gain)and my dad telling them to have a nice life because he can't cope anymore. I don't know who is worse. My parents knowing what they can be like and forcing it to this stage or my brother and SIL for not being more inclusive. I tolerate my mother but can tell her when she's OOO, my dad is fine but retired and cooped up with mum all day but I have had spats with my SIL in particular over her selfishness. I don't know whether just to leave it or get involved as my dad is desperately unhappy now. Although I don't want to get into a fight with my brother and SIL they inevitably bring us into it through petty jealousies even tho my parents have done so much for them over the years. Am fairly fed up as we (my brother and I) have only just got to a status quo only to have all this spoil the relationships with cousins ( ie our children) and now they've stopped buying my kids stuff etc. even though I don't agree with my parents behaviour.