Emotional Contact

[MysweetAudrina]

What level of emotional contact do you have with your dp? Do you have an ongoing continuous level that rarely breaks or do you have moments or are you very emotionally independent or aloof? Just trying to get an idea on what the level of contact is in relationships. My understanding of emotional contact would not include day to day management of family roles or general interaction but more when you feel that connect, even when not around the person.

What do you mean by 'emotional contact'? Talking about feelings? Speaking in a loving way? I'd have thought most couples, whether they are dealing with something practical or not, would still use a few terms of endearment that marked them out as a couple.

Do you mean things in common? Things that make you laugh and connect that can make you feel at ease with the person?

I mean when you feel connected to another person. Like sometimes I just feel connected to dh, we are on the same wavelength we are in tune with it each other and there tends to be a good flow of energy and it feels like we are a unit. Other times it feels like we are emotionally distant, we still see each other every day and ring each other and talk to each other and have sex and do things together but it feels different like the connection is not there. I was just wondering what is normal. Should lt be like the first part all the time or is it normal to feel a disconnect from time to time.

I know what you mean.

For me, my aloofness has improved over time. I'm less aloof from my DH than I was 20 years ago. It's a self preservation thing for me born of insecurity. If I feel insecure, I try to lessen the conection to soften the blow that I fear will happen.

Luckily my DH is very understanding, where others would maybe judge me for being controlling, moody, punishing etc, he only sees the intent rather than the result. I have a good partner that sees me as being an ultimately good person who struggles to cope and waits for me to come round again. This makes me better able to trust and cope and I've inproved as a result.

I've said it before numerous times but if we posted about our marriage on here then there'd be a chorus of LTB!

yes. I think relationships go through phrases. I am going through a phrase at the moment where I feel no connection. I had a dream last night about what he was like when we first met. Everything has changed. How do you keep a connection when someone in the relationship is not willing to change or won't change and accept their problems and work through them thats my thoughts.

You're not alone ROUNDandROUND. I don't know what the answer is, but there is only so much any one person can do to fix (or maintain) a relationship. Eventually there'll come a time when the other has to face the music, or the failure of the relationship is inevitable.

I think the realisation of this is the hardest part because it is completely out of your control and no matter how much you change, or try to alter your behaviour/thinking it makes no difference.