This will be long, sorry.
Firstly, a bit of background - my DB (who I'll call John) was born when I was 8, we share a dad. When DB was 18 months old, my dad and step-mum divorced as my dad was unfaithful. My step-mum became very bitter about this, got out a court injunction to prevent my dad finding John (she cited sexual and physical abuse which was completely untrue), moved away and changed his name. I found this out from my mum a few years ago as she was questioned by police regarding mine and my 2 years younger DB's care whilst with my dad.
Anyway, fast forward to John turning 16. He decides he wants to find his dad, myself and our brother. He gets in contact, against his mothers wishes, and we start to see each other. John is painfully shy and needed much prompting from us to organise visits. We saw him every few months then contact from him stopped. This goes on for a couple of years, turns out he isn't interested in a relationship with our dad, just me and our other DB as he grew up an 'only'. He seemed reluctant to grow close to us so we let him go at his pace as he is that bit younger than us. Also, his mum didn't like him coming to see us and would make us uncomfortable if we went to him.
So, forward again to now. John is nearly 20, he seems settled, moved to my town a month or so ago, has a stable job etc. When he told me he was moving, I told him he must come round to see me and my DS (3) when he can. I understand he works long hours and often until late at night so the opportunity hadn't arisen. He's also 20 with an active social life and I often feel our age gap has an effect on our could be relationship as I'm settled with DP and DS. Here's where it gets a bit complicated.
My Dsis (Sarah) who I share a mum with is a year older than John. Sarah and John are not blood related but since he moved to my town, Sarah sees him socially as they now mix in similar circles. A few weeks ago, she mentioned that Johns mum and step dad are going through a divorce. Knowing Johns shyness, I didn't bring it up but text him asking how things are etc. and he never mentioned it, so I left it. Sarah also mentions John appeared high on drugs and quite spaced out. Also seemed emotionally unstable. Communication between him and I had been fine so I didnt mention it as his drug use is not my business. However, Sarah phoned me this morning quite concerned about John. Asked me if I knew his step dad (whose been in Johns life since he was 3) committed suicide last week. Asked me if I knew John is getting into debt from serious drug abuse and said he appeared to not have slept in a week, prone to bursting into tears randomly and started to socialise with local drug takers.
I've asked to come see him, I phoned him but he didn't answer, got back to me 8 hours after I left a message asking to come see him and joked to me he has 'women problems' this eve so can't see me. Also doesn't have a day/night off this week so seeing him won't be possible, sorry.
What the fuck can I do? His relationship with his mum is non-existent, she won't appreciate me getting in to contact with her either. I've tried over the last year to see him properly but he either cancels last minute or never shows. Sarah thinks he needs a consistent person in his life, but how can I be that person if he won't let me?