Modern relationship finance dilemma Please help.

[Lifeisforlivingkatie]

My partner of 3 years stays 4 nights with me but still has his place, we have talked about moving in together and he is thinking about it, in the meantime I have just moved to my dream home, I have two children 18 and 7 and I earn 4 times more than DP. We have agreed we will both pay for the furniture and have a say in how we decorate my/our bedroom.

How would you go about sharing costs considering, I own the house, earn more and have a lot of clothes to fit in to my dream walk in wardrobe? I would like him to feel involved but I also need to be fair. He is happy to do the decorating, and he doeas a lot of work round the house.pleas make some suggestions ?

Thank you Precious, kids first of course, thats why I bought alone. I will certainly have a proper legal plan once he agrees to move in. Would you go 50/50 on wardrobes too?

In your circumstances, I'd separate costs so that he isn't paying any of the costs relating to your house: mortgage, decorating, maintenance and so on, to avoid him acquiring any right to the equity in your house. I'm saying this 'cos you've just described it as your dream home and you already have two children (and I imagine on your death you'd want your house to go to your children, rather than your partner).

Your partner can rent out his existing place or sell it and use the funds in a different way (if he owns it). If it's rented and he gives up his tenancy, the money he's not paying in terms of rent costs he can save, so if you split in the future he ought to have a chunk of money to use as a deposit on a property of his own.

Other costs: council tax/water/electricity/gas/internet/contents insurance - either split proportionally to income - you pay 3/4 and he pays 1/4 or split 50:50 if reasonable [given he'd have to pay for this stuff whether or not he lived with you]

The harder stuff will be your respective levels of disposable income and any differences in lifestyle choices - the places you'd choose to go to/how often you'd go out to somewhere where you spend money.

As long as you remain unmarried, don't add him to the mortgage and buy the majority of permanent fixtures and fittings in your name, he won't have a claim of any size that can affect your ownership or equity.

As long as you do so in a way that makes it clear it's about protecting your DC, not about lack of commitment to him, and your DP is able to save the money he is no longer paying in rent so that he can build a sizeable investment himself, I can't imagine he would have any problem with it.

Everything else should be split 50/50.

Personally, at this stage I wouldn't be asking for any financial contribution from him. It's all a bit of a grey area but if he's contributed to improvements to a property, he can have a claim on it, as my friend has recently found to her cost.

Strangely mortgage payments don't count - her ex paid half the mortgage but the court found that didn't give him any claim on the property, they considered it was the equivalent of rent, but he also paid for some improvements and that did entitle him to a share of the house she owned. (they never married and don't have DC)

I'd keep things as they are. You already spend 4 nights together so enjoy some time apart for the rest of the week and keep your financial independence.

Thank you very much, I did not realise that someone paying for improvements gave them rights to the property, that's an eye opener.

Is that the same if he does work around the house himself like decorating etc?