how to help family member not coping with stress

[Summerhope]

Please does anyone have advice on how I can help my brother who is suffering from extreme anxiety and stress.

He has just been on the phone crying (very unusual for him) and I think he is at breaking point, I am very worried about him. I live at the other end of the country so feel helpless.

He cannot cope with his new job for various reasons and has not completed important pieces of work that are due soon. He says he cannot face going back. On the phone he was racing ahead of himself and thinking everything was going to go wrong (house repossessed, marriage breakdown).

I have asked that he makes an appointment with his GP to be seen for extreme anxiety and to be signed off work. Is there anything else wise mumsnetters that I could suggest? Very worried.

Thanks for reading this far!

brokenhearted - sorry to hear that your family weren't supportive towards you. I think he is having a panic (anxiety?) attack at the prospect of going back into the office. It is work that is the cause of the anxiousness and stress so I don't know if he would be able to focus? The way he was talking, he didn't want to return to the job at all. I am not sure if I should try to get him to consider sticking it out for a bit longer or not. He is so so miserable and wretched about everything and I feel like I don't know where to turn.

crystalskulls - I don't know. I live miles away from them and sadly hardly get to see them. I am not sure how much he has been trying to keep the work stress all to himself.

thank you for the replies btw. It is good to get another perspective.

I can only imagine how helpless you must feel :(

You’ve given your brother good advice though – to visit the GP as soon as possible.

He needs some support where he is, because only he knows what's going on. Not coping with your job shouldn't automatically mean a marriage breakdown. So it could be that there are lots of problems in his life, or that his fear has magnified everything and he doesn't know where to turn, or something else.

If you think he might accept any thoughts on helping himself in the short term, here are a few 'band aid' ideas for stress and anxiety:

• Go outside for a walk, or out in the garden - or out in nature somehow.

• Find something physical to do

• Later - try some very simple mindfulness

--Return to the present moment, and focus on it

--View this 3 minute meditation from Oxford Univ Mindfulness centre

--Breathe in for 4, out for 8

These things will have a somewhat calming effect, and he might be able to think more clearly afterwards. But he might not want to hear it right now. It all depends on how he feels.

In your position I wouldn't encourage him to stick it out, or do anything else job-wise - just let him talk, if you can.

Wishing you both well. You sound like a great support to him.

wyrdyBird - thank you so so much for that link and for the brilliant advice. You are spot on when you say his fear has magnified everything. That's what I think too but its difficult to get someone in his situation to really listen and take it in whilst they are in crisis mode! The mindfulness link is so helpful.

I won't say anything more about whether I think he should attempt to stick at this job or not, only he knows that. I will listen if he wants to speak, nothing more.

crystal - his wife knows, I don't know the full extent of what is worrying him, not sure whether his wife does either but am very glad he has her so I hope that he doesn't lose her whatever happens.

thank you all again for your wise, wise words, it is very much appreciated