Men and infidelity

[PPaka]

My faith in men is pretty shattered at the moment, and I'm fine with that, can't ever imagine being with anyone else, ever

I remembered a couple of married colleagues who had tried it on with me, and I have now remembered 8 men who have been married/long term relationships who cheated with me- varying from one quick kiss- to fessing up the morning after, to full on relationship.

I'm shocked

Confirmation that I am better off alone

Not all me are like that.

There are some wankers but I honestly don't think all men are this way. My dad isn't and my grandad wasn't.

There are loads and loads of decent men out there

I think there are more wankers than nice guys- Melissa

I dont but you find what you seek. I have friends that go out with idiots over and over, but I wouldnt of got involved with in first place. Some people have horrendous taste and keep making the same mistakes

There are definitely predators who seek out people who they sense are vulnerable.

Maybe you should try dating single men instead? Just a thought...

Am I missing something? Not all men cheat on their partner, just as not all women would kiss or have affairs with men already in relationships.

The ones I dated, I didn't know were in a relationship
The rest were work colleagues who tried it on, drinks after work type of thing, to which I obviously said no, and they still kept trying
One, I'll admit to knowing he was in relationship. I was 19, and a bit naive, but he was actually the love of my life

Of course not all men cheat Vivacia, I was just shocked when I added up all the married men I knew who had tried to cheat

but he was actually the love of my life

Perhaps people cheat when they meet the love of their lives then?

Yes perhaps Vivacia
But I wasn't the love of any of these guys lives

a lot of men cheat and take it as a normal part of life. some cheat to a ridiculous extent.

Not all men are like that.

And on here, you hear the worst stories.

However - I do sadly think that it's a significant minority. Very depressing.

As Bruno says there ARE some (a minority) of men who cheat. I've seen a terrible example of this- was the mistress of a man from the age of 14 who was a terrible example of having no respect for his wife and no respect for women in general (or for his profession- he was my teacher ) but men like that aren't all men. I could have let this formative experience colour my view of men but as I said up thread, my father and grandfather aren't like that. My now DH isn't like that and neither is his father or grandfathers. To a lesser extent I've had male friends who are horndogs and cheat on their girlfriends. Again, not all men. By a long chalk.

I don't know if most men cheat or not. I read a statistic once that said something like 60% do, but none of the men I know (who haven't cheated) were ever asked...

What I do know is that like tends to move with like. So you'll often find drug addicts associate with others who use/tolerate drugs, abusers often have friends who think it's no big deal, and serial cheaters tend to have friends whose idea of recreational fun is chatting up random women in bars or pushing the boat out and going to a lap-dancing/sex club. It doesn't surprise me at all that someone can find themselves repeatedly sexually harassed by different members of a social group. It's about the group values, not the values of the individual victim.

If you have someone in your social circle who falls into one of the less-desirable categories like this, it actually requires quite a lot of effort to raise yourself out of it. And because a lot of victims (particularly women who experience "low level" sexual harassment) are led to believe it's their fault, they start to believe it's normal and therefore that they won't find it any better if they change their social circle.

I'm pleased to announce from personal experience that there are many many men out there who spout attitudes about the treatment of women that would make many posters on the feminist board very happy indeed.

PPaka - as the old saying goes, it's not you, it's them.

You are better off being single than in an unhappy relationship.

I would rather be in my relationship than single. We've had 20 fab years, even if it were all to fall apart tomorrow.