Are my parents taking advantage of me?

[isthisthewayitis]

Name changed for this.

Not really sure where to start. If anyone has any questions about the situation please ask as I really need some help with this.

I have always been a caring and generous person. It just so happens over the last few years I have started to do very well for myself and am earning quite a lot of money through a business that I have built up.

I am also someone who never complains so at times before when I was poor no one would have known about it as such as I just get on with it and work harder to make ends meet.

I don't flaunt my money and anyway it is such early days for me that I save as much as I can to put towards a house which I hope to buy in a couple of years. I am currently renting.

I have a DD who is 6 months old. This house would be our security. I don't know how long the business will continue to be successful so I'm saving everything whilst I can.

My parents. They are divorced as of about 20 years ago, so they are each doing this separately.

Both have their own house. Mum retired, dad still works. Neither rich nor poor - definitely able to get by, verging on nicely comfortable I'd say.

My dad is in manual work and it is getting hard for him as he is mid 60's. He has always spent his money rather than saved so he should be in a position to fully retire but isn't.

Long story short, they constantly hint and ask me for money. They need this doing, that doing, general spending money etc. if they catch me on a weak moment they are in luck. I have spent £17,000 on my DM in the last year alone, and £9000 DF.

I'm sick of it, but unless I go NC with them I always feel vulnerable until the next time. I do say no, but as I said it just takes a weak moment and I'm signing several thousand pounds away.

I do have more than enough to provide for my DD and she will never go without. But it just feels like these people are behaving like vultures and taking advantage of me.

My dad in particular. He has been doing this for years, even when I was a student at uni (paying my own way) I had managed to save some money through part time jobs and I ended up giving it to him to put a deposit on a house. He has never mentioned paying this back.

I am a very independent and usually strong woman.

I need to put an end to this. I would be happy to help out in the future but I'm not even financially secure myself yet.

Please don't flame me :-(

Agreeing with others, you've been more than generous and I think that's spilled over into you being seen as a soft touch. Hinting for money is very manipulative behaviour. Don't suppose they ever offer to pay you back? It happens.

You can and should say 'no' more often in future and, also agreeing with a PP, you don't have to qualify it with a 'because'. You've a young family to take care of. However, be prepared, because if you suddenly refuse to be a source of free cash you are likely to experience a backlash and be accused of being snooty or tight. No flaming here in other words but plenty from them I would expect. Anticipate this and it'll help.

You need to grit your teeth and just say no.

I feel for you as I have done this myself. I continually bailed out a relative who couldn't support herself. She had good pensions, but was hopeless with money. I did this to the tune of thousands over the years.

And like you, the more I helped the more she asked. I used to get calls in the middle of the night begging for money. My brother also supported her by housing her for free. My relative eventually died 'owing' thousands. Subsequently I found out that she had also 'borrowed' money from my mother, also an old lady. The irony is that her will leaves everything to the next generation and not to any of us.

At the time I could afford it. But after my divorce I really needed the money that I had given away. Looking back, I now wish I had just said no, but at the time I didn't have the courage. Hopefully you do

Have you spoke to your parents since op? Hope you are ok and keeping strong.