I'm being pathetic, I know, but .....

[Prforone]

I am absolutely, totally gutted that my relationship with DP is on the rocks, and quite possibly over.

We've been together 18 months and I honestly thought I'd struck gold this time round. I had major surgery quite early into our relationship and thought that was going to be a deal breaker but he stuck around. I was quite ill for a long while after but he was an absolute diamond. I'm much better now, and the past year and a bit has been fab. My DD and his DS get on really well, his family are lovely (I have no family so to have his in my life has been fab).

But last week, we had a slight altercation - something that usually would have blown over within the space of a day. He dragged out his sulking for five whole days before I managed to get a response from him to my original text asking if he was okay. Was very down on himself (has a certain degree of shit going on at the mo with ExW) and told me I deserved better. I told him he deserved better than what he's going through and that I was there for him if he allowed me to be.

He came round after work last night and everything seemed okay. This morning he was up bright and early for work and was happily chatting to DD and myself whilst getting ready. He asked DD how a recent party she'd been to had gone. My DD replied it was okay, but she'd already told him that when he'd asked last week (in fairness, DD wasn't in the best of moods as a lot of her friends went to see 1D last night and she didn't - so I'm currently the worst mum in the world!). He replied "No, I didn't", to which DD said he had and I chipped in, all jokingly (or so I thought) saying "Yes, remember, it was the night you'd been out for a few drinks. We popped round and you were just off to bed so we didn't stay long". To which DP just erupted at me, saying "FFS, I only asked a bloody question" and started banging stuff around as he got ready, huffing and puffing as he went.

I said sorry to him but got no response. As he left, I said again sorry if I'd upset him, and he said "That's what you always do" and stormed off, slamming his car door before driving off.

I was really shocked. I'm not saying we've had a fairy tale existence for the past 18 months but can honestly say we've never had a huge great screaming match - everything's just ticked along nicely. And then this outburst this morning

I texted him a bit later on today to say I couldn't believe what had happened this morning, he made me feel like an absolute arse and if that's what he truly thought of me, just let me know and get it over with. I also said I love him and am sorry if I'm such a disappointment (yes, I was that bloody pathetic ).

I've heard nothing from him since. I hate feeling so bloody needy but am absolutely gutted and am almost certain that he won't be getting back in touch.

Utterly selfish, I know, but I need a bit of hand-holding/reality check/kick up the butt if you please! Sorry, just feel absolutely miserable

oh your not being pathetic, the first humdinger of a row can always come as a shock particularly if you are on the receiving end!!

My only suggestions are when/if you discuss this to at least lay down some markers for what you consider acceptable, i know some people who would be appalled if their dp swore at them and i know others who swear like dockers over trivial stuff, each to their own i say, as long as its acceptable to you, if not say so.

On a slightly more serious note this took place in front of your DD - hmmm, not good, i would not be prepared for people to blow up in front of my children, and definitely not swear at/be horrid to me in front of them. They may get one warning about this but it really would only be one.

HTH

well if he doesn't come back my advice is rather moot!

I would not want to be with someone who sulked for five days, or someone who made me feel shit and swore at me in front of my DC.

He is being an arse for sulking. Go NC do not text again and move on.

Definitely looking for an excuse without being the bad guy he knows he is, he's making you feel guilty because he is trying to deflect the blame.

He is the one who is out of order, he's the one in the wrong for reacting the way he has. I think all signs point to OW. You deserve better.

I have to be honest and never even considered the thought of him cheating on me

Without wishing to sound naive, he works 7 am 'til 7 pm every weekday, comes round to mine 2-3 evenings a week, has his DS every Friday night overnight, and (usually) stays with me Saturday and Sunday nights. Of course, that leaves him with 2-3 weekday evenings to himself but he most often can be found in our local pub on those nights (and lots of our friends who are also down the pub would vouch for that). Nevertheless, I have to accept that's a possibility.

But I would agree with the comment that he's making big issues out of small issues so that I can throw the towel in, thus saving him from doing so and being the arsehole here.

I'm sobbing like a good 'un here and feel utterly helpless. I never wanted this relationship to end

What bothers me about what you've said is that a he got in a sulky huff very easily and b you then apologised!!! Why on earth were you saying sorry and asking what you had done to upset him?!

D"P" hasn't been in touch at all since his outburst last Saturday.

I am slightly concerned but am using all my will NOT to contact him. Haven't cracked yet. I'm doing the right thing, yes? Or should I just ring him and find out what the hell's going on?

No don't contact him. Let him do the work. Start planning now some fab things to do this weekend which don't include him.

Don't ring him. He is the one who has to build bridges here. Can't believe he swore in front of your dd, what a piece of work.

Time to let it go. You deserve better, your daughter too.

If he hasn't replied then I think you don't need to contact him to see what is going on... He's backed out of the relationship sadly.

Even if he's not cheating he is trying to control you - he's trying to see how much sulking over nothing you'll put up with, how much running around you're prepared to do just to keep a catch like him in your life.

He's actually awful and I bet you can do much better than this sulky whiny arsed controlling toddler.

Drop him. Don't chase him now or you'll be chasing him forever and blaming yourself for him being in a bad mood.

What was the original minor altercation?

I do hope you still haven't contacted him.

For me too, this sounds like OW territory.

I do hope you are OK.

Can't you ask your mutual friends from the pub if he has been with another woman down there?

It looks like he has ended things. God knows why he can't be bothered to end them decently.

I really think you have had a lucky escape

The five day sulk post-squabble was bad enough.

Then the weekend blow up sounds dramatic and bit full on for a breakfast chat, him flying off the handle.

I wouldn't necessarily suspect OW - to my mind at least as likely ructions with his exW. Father's Day coming up might be a factor if they have DS together.

What I do agree with is that running after him is not the best idea. You have tried being supportive and had it flung back in your face. He has been close for 18 months you deserve more respect than that. I am sorry if everything went wrong without you even knowing why. Whatever is going on in his head you shouldn't be the person he takes it out on.