I have been separated from my exH for the last six years. He plays a biggish part in DS's life though and visits often. Because he lives nearly 300 miles away I leave contact fairly flexible. He works in this area regularly (works all over the UK) and when he is here I make arrangements with him for DS. It's always been very informal and generally we get on well....except when we discuss money.
When we split up, DH suggested £200 a month in maintenance and tbh that is all he can afford. As a result payment is very hit and miss.....£100 or £50 instalments each month. It's frustrating but I accept he hasn't had much work.
Thing is that he is now talking about buying a newer car. To be fair he needs one as he does a great deal of driving. He is talking about paying back £100 a month to his Mum who has arranged a loan (he is not credit worthy and has CCJs).
I would accept this but DS has recently been on a school residential trip at a cost of £350. Add to that the extra items he needed and spending money (a small amount suggested by the school) and I have struggled to pay out nearly £500 for it, I had been out of work as DS is autistic and needed my time. So this trip has been paid for from maintenance at £25 a month for the last 14 months plus from the first payment I had in my new job. ExH has paid nothing despite saying he would.
I think what is bothering me is that he is blithely saying he can afford £100 a month to repay a loan and yet struggles even to give me maintenance most months (although eventually does most months) and was seemingly unable to give me any contribution to this trip.
When I raised this with him he became resentful and petulant and ended the conversation with "alright, I just won't have a car then...let this one just break down on me". It's so passive aggressive that I can't deal with it and now I come to think of it he was like this during our marriage too.
He has arranged a loan with his Mum and made a promise of repaying. £100 a month. He says he will contribute to the cost of the school trip ...but goes into a huff if I ask when this will be.
All I can think is either he has the money and has just withheld it or that he cannot afford the promised repayment to his Mum and DS will go further down the list if priorities. His Mum manages his business finances so will take this promised payment before she releases any salary to him each month.
I am upset and resentful that he has made no effort to help me with the coat of this trip and yet is now going into debt. I wanted him to borrow slightly more and repay me....but he hasn't and I suspect that I won't see any of the promised contribution. This is not the first time he has made promises to help me with costs of things for DS and then not followed through. I just feel now that I won't bother asking any more ....just wait and see. But suspect I will see nothing from him.
Should, I perhaps discuss this tactfully with his Mum?