My younger Db is a lovely man, loyal, hard-working and would do anything for anyone. In his 20s he had two relationships end badly and was very hurt. For the last 6 years hes been with a woman (S) who he met through work. She had a 4 year old dd from a previous relationship and db has played the role of df to her in many ways (Ss exdp has no contact). S and my db still work at the same place, but at different sites 2.5 hours apart and so live separately during the week, though my db goes to stay with S and her dd most weekends. Ss dd doesnt like to be in my dbs town says its boring to be away from her friends they never make the reverse visit, I think they have stayed with db less than 10 times in 6 years.
My family like S but have always felt there was a huge mismatch between them, especially my dm who is very close to db. They seem to be very different people with different interests (think hiking versus shopping). Db and S had a particularly rocky patch before Xmas, and apparently S called an ultimatum and said they had to get engaged or it was all off so db proposed.
At a family BBQ at Easter, db had a lot to drink and confessed to me that he was feeling really overwhelmed, that he was stuck in something he didnt want and felt like he couldnt breathe. But at the same time said he couldnt break the engagement and break both S and her dds hearts. They are not planning to change their living arrangements and I think db feels this is something he just has to do for S after all these years, even if its not really what he wants. I told him to talk to S and be honest about how he was feeling. (So not to dripfeed, Db also told me hed met a woman at a conference who he had really clicked with, who made him realise just how much was missing in his current relationship, but swore nothing had happened and I believe him).
Last night my dm called and said shed heard from S that theyd set a wedding date for next Spring. Im concerned that db is being pushed into a marriage that he doesnt really want and that this will backfire badly for all of them (db, S and her dd) down the line. I know I might get flamed by people saying its none of my business, but I feel like I am watching a carcrash about to happen and am worried for them all. I told db at Easter to think hard about what he wants and that Im always here for him if he wants to talk is there anything more I can do?