I know there has been a few threads about mother /daughter relationships so I'm sorry if this goes on a bit/ please bear with me,
It's taken me a longtime to pluck up courage to write this as its breaking my heart really.
My mum has always been a very difficult person to get along with, as a small child I found it difficult to please her and growning up at times was hard.
she could be a very manipulative person.
she put my brothers in care when I was five saying that she didn't want them only me, this caused a lot of heartache for me and my brothers as I was told that they were dead and I was never to mention them again or she would put me in care too! I've maintained contact over the years with my eldest brother who I get on with quite well.
She met my brothers kids once and proceeded to tell people about how 'ugly' they were and how they would never compare to my kids
she has never met my other brothers family.
my mum has to be always right and when I was 14 I got quite down over things in my family, I started self harming. My mum saw the marks and said that self harmers are sick in the head if the doctors found out what I was doing they would lock me away in a mental hospital. I have never forgotten this
Aged 16, on a family holiday I started getting panic attacks everyday, my mums reaction was one of anger. After a bad one at a barbecue my dad cooked, and I couldn't breath, my mum exploded threw her dinner at me, yelled 'you selfish bitch you've ruined our holiday, get in the f*ing car, the hospital will sort you out, you stupid cow' The doctor was so nice and the look of concern on his face as my mum ranted at him is one i'll never forget cos afterwards he said to me 'does she always react like that'
I found out afterwards that my mum has suffered painc attacks too but i'll never understand her reaction.
She would hit me at the slightest thing, she had two affairs and nearly broke my dads heart, she would call me 'evil bitch' and would tell friends that I so depend on them I would never leave home.
When I was 18 I got out and went to uni. I was with ex by then (in same uni)I got full time job in the holidays to make ends meet. I worked constant nights and was never allowed out to socialise at all. Her attitude was 'we haven't seen you for 3 months you should be all for us now. How dare I make friends and want to go out'I was expected to clean the house everyday until it was spotless, so I had to have 4 hours sleep then get up and do the housework before she came in from work. once when I came home in the middle of the night form work, I got into bed and then needed the loo, so I went very quitely.she woke up went mad, called me 'a whore! selfish bitch you are doing this deliberately, I can't cope with you anymore, this is my house not yours etc etc until I was near hysterical myself
I used to then on keep a cup by my bed so I could piss in it in the middle of the night
she had a go at me one night an hour before I went to work and it was pretty nasty. I broke down in work and confided in this girl who urged me to come out for a lunchtime drink to get me out and she helped me phone my b/f to tell him whats been going on. He came down the next day and we spent the night in my uni town in his flat. my parents followed me to the station though screaming insults out the window,
She used to demand that I spend every xmas with them, if I didn't my b/f would never be welcome in the house.
when I got pg with ds ( we were living with his parents then) she would go on about not having a house. She would say 'I'm not having that baby being brought up there, I don't like his parents etc' she threatened on numorous occaisions to kidnap me and the baby and bring us down south to live, saying 'you will thank me for it in the end' and 'the law is on our side you know, grandparents have rights' WTF!!!!
when ds was born she was ok but still prone to nasty comments, like oh he is really mine isn't he, I have technically brought him up' er no!! don't forget to feed him well you know how forgetful you are!!
she did mellow out a lot over the years although she would at times have her moments like put me down in front of b/f treat him like shit and slag of his family to his face, but laugh in a fake way and say oh I didn't mean it don't be so silly ha ha ha. Weell we're not laughing.
until now
I have a new dp, been with him about a year. My parents were ok at first with him until a few months ago. Then
My dad started calling him thick (dp is dyslexic and struggles also with his speech sometimes)
I got 'well he isn't career minded is he' He works in a supermarket so bloody what
he confided in them over a few things, he got on with them quite well esp my dad, they used what he told them against him
My mum writes up reports on criminals can't go to any details. She saw a file on his family and that started her off
Bearing in mind that although dp comes from a bad area and a bad family he's beena good boy, never got into real trouble and always worked, my mum started calling his family rough and common and I shouldn't mix with people like that.
she made a big fuss of his girls, now she don't like my dp, she slags them off calling them thick and ugly and vacant, completetly blanks them too. They are only 4 and 3 and are gorgeous kids.
at a wedding we went to she caused hell for my dp by being on his back all the time. He is claustrophobic at times and at big do's he gets panicky. He goes very quiet and snappy and I justleave him too it. My mum starts and says if he dosent leave then we are we can't stand him anymore, its about time you dumped him he's a waste of space.
It all gets sorted and the week after the wedding we move house. I'm in a right state and my parents offered me no help at all they live a mile down the road. If it hadn't been for dp ex and her family we never would have managed to move in time as they really helped. My parents did have the kids overnight though at a push from me though and I was an hour late my fault.
@she loses it then screams insults down the phone, called dp a 'f*ing animal, rough common, said his ex's family were animals inc his girls and I was becoming like them.
since them they haven't bothered with us at all, they never phone, ring, I have to go down there, they won't come to the house. My mum told me that until dp was willing to mould to 'our family's high standards' then they didn't want to know and they can't bear to be in the same room as him.(oh and once he accidently burped and farted in front of my dad (my dad does it too) and that is another reason why they won't come near us)
I can't begin to tell you how upset this is making me. I really thought she had changed but no, I'm pg now too and I can't tell her i'm too scared She will demand I have an abortion. she has done countless others stuff to but this is too long already. I feel really scared because I have no other family apart from them and it will be just me, dp and the kids from now on.
my ex has always maintained that my mum has the problem not me and she was jealous of my achievements. dp thinks she walks over me but I can't help it, this situation is making me miserable
over the years since