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Original poster

Contact with exs

35 replies

Mrskeats · 06/06/2014 21:50

My bf of 7 months is rather jealous and does not like me to have contact with any of my previous partners.
He is often mean about my ex husband who I have a mostly reasonable relationship with.
My ex bf of 4 years texts me occasionally and he really dislikes that too.
However last night I saw an email as he was looking at them on his laptop next to me.
Turns out it was from a woman he has a short fling with 6 years ago and he has admitted he has occasionally text her
I am furious as I think this is hypocrisy really.
I want to tell him that I want him to never contact her again.
He even made out it was my fault he contacted her as we had had a row and he went home.
How to proceed?

OP posts:
Superworm · 06/06/2014 21:56

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

heavenstobetsy · 06/06/2014 21:56

In all honesty, I'd LTB

He is snarking at you because he knows what it means when HE contacts an ex - which he admits he did when he got a sulk on following a fall out with you.

He is contacting exs with more in mind than friendship and he is making it your fault that he does it. What a charmer - seriously, if this is him 7 months in it ain't gonna get any better.

I'd cut my losses now

Fmlgirl · 06/06/2014 21:56

Dump him. Sounds ridiculous already. He is probably a cheat.

ForeskinHyena · 06/06/2014 22:00

What Heaven said. LTB.

pauline6703 · 06/06/2014 22:30

Move on, find a decent man who trusts you and respects you

arsenaltilidie · 06/06/2014 22:42

He is one of those men that think everyone cheats because he cheats.

FabULouse · 06/06/2014 22:48

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Original poster
Mrskeats · 07/06/2014 09:56

I'm really angry as I don't think he will cut contact with her as it will become a battle of wills.
He did the same thing to his last gf who also hated it and used to delete messages and this woman's number out of his phone.
Tbh we have other big problems and this is starting to feel like the last straw for me.

OP posts:
FabULouse · 07/06/2014 09:58

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Gillian1980 · 07/06/2014 10:21

He sounds far too controlling.

I'd be furious if my DH asked me to cut contact with my exes, who I'm on good terms with and who are no threat to him whatsoever.

Likewise I'd never tell him to cut contact with his.

Where is the trust?!

brokenhearted55a · 07/06/2014 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cabrinha · 07/06/2014 10:37

Tell us again why you're actually with him?

Original poster
Mrskeats · 07/06/2014 10:51

I do love him and he has lots of good qualities really.
However I would not have had any issue with it if he hadn't made such a fuss about people I speak too.
It just feels one rule for him and one for me

OP posts:
getthefeckouttahere · 07/06/2014 10:57

really? oh lives just too short, its yr exes now but once you cut them out it will be something else, then something else etc etc.

its not about your exes its about control imo. Gotta question if you want to be in a relationship with this dude!

LadyNexus · 07/06/2014 10:58

Dump, dump and dump again!

Original poster
Mrskeats · 07/06/2014 10:59

Mmm well that's what I'm thinking tbh
Everything is like a power struggle

OP posts:
MuttonCadet · 07/06/2014 10:59

I'd think if he's got a problem with you contacting exes it's because when HE does it he has an ulterior motive.

7 months isn't long, I'd get out now.

wafflyversatile · 07/06/2014 11:05

Does sound rather like he is judging you by his own standards. Relationships shouldn't be about power struggles. Get rid.

Blueuggboots · 07/06/2014 11:09

Sounds like as big red flag!
Get rid of him. He sounds like a twat.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 07/06/2014 11:28

Do yourself a favour and make it be the last straw.
All this, 7 months in?
He's a controlling, hypocritical twat.

7 months is nothing. Move on, do better.

livingzuid · 07/06/2014 11:31

I have zero contact with exes as does dh because we agree that is how we want things. Not one person dictating to another and then sneaking off to do the reverse.

7 months is nothing, particularly if you have other doubts. It's not meant to be this hard work in a relationship. He sounds like a nightmare, sorry op.

mammadiggingdeep · 07/06/2014 11:42

My ex used made me throw away photos of past boyfriends. Very jealous about exes.

Fast forward to dd1 being 11 months, I found emails and texts to his ex, him telling her he wasn't in a relationship anymore (er, news to me) and would she like to meet up.

He is anti you keeping in contact because when he does it has ulterior motives.

Ditch.

Original poster
Mrskeats · 08/06/2014 09:37

Right well he's text her in front of me to say he's in a relationship and doesn't think being in touch is appropriate.
I'm surprised he's done that to be honest without much protest really.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/06/2014 09:42

I would still leave such a person if he behaves like this seven months in; seven months is no time at all in relationship terms.

You state you "love" this man; do you have any idea at all of what an emotionally healthy relationship actually is all about?. It certainly is not this current model.

Also controlling behaviour is infact abusive behaviour.

Alwaysbuybigpants · 08/06/2014 10:29

All sounds a bit 'tit for tat' to me..... TBH I wouldn't love it if a partner was texting an ex but that's just me. He sounds a bit petty, and stuff like this only gets worse as time goes on. Probably best to get rid now.