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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I try and speak sense to her, if so (how?) or leave it

2 replies

CiderLover · 06/06/2014 13:32

A very good friend of mine, i'll call her Jane was in a year long relationship with another gilr who I'll call Sarah. Sarah was wonderful to Jane, they had great fun all the time and were apparently in love. Jane joined a Hockey team outside of work and made friends with a few girls, one of which she felt drawn to. I'll call her Vicky.

Anyway Jane told Sarah she wants to have sex with Vicky, she's like a magnet drawing her in, the whole thing was very nasty and she ended up leaving Sarah for Vicky.

Our group of friends arent fussed on Vicky because she chased after her knowing she was in a relationship. Anyway, cut to the chase.

Jane text me this morning saying she's had a terrible weekend. Vicky made attempts to have sex with her after a drunken night out but Jane kept saying no, she wouldn't listen so Jane stormed out of bed to go home. Vicky blocked the door and became quite aggressive (friend wont elaborate). Jane phoned Sarah (her ex) to come help. Sarah came over but Vicky wouldn't answer the door and continued being aggressive and "lairy".

Police were called and Vicky was in a cell for the night, Jane had to stay up and gave statements but ultimately dropped the charges.

Turns out that Vicky has been aggressive on 2 other occasions (again not elaborating) and when I said she needs to leave her she replied "it's only when she's drunk tho and she has said she will stop drinking, she's been through shit loads lately". I said being drunk isnt an excuse to which she repled "well yeah it is because she blanks out". I added that she should not drink if she knows how she will behave.

She wont listen to me or take any of this seriously. She is still with her (been together just 6 months) and Vicky who is just 19 years old will be leaving her student digs to move in with Jane after the summer (Jane is 26).

Should I butt out and see if things improve or can you offer me any words of advice to pass on? Sorry it's long, ive probs missed loads out

OP posts:
Butterflyspring · 06/06/2014 13:49

there is some useful info on the WA website that someone else linked to today - what to say, and what not to say.

www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080023&sectionTitle=Helping+friends+and+family

I would hope you can leave the door open for her to come to you for help when she needs it. I know it must be frustrating seeing it and feeling powerless to do anything.

Itsfab · 06/06/2014 13:50

People will always make their own decisions and it seems she can't see she is in an abusive relationship and things may get worse. Hopefully this is the shock they ALL need to sort themselves out.

stop drinking
leave her

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