The thing is, I think that women are often told, not overtly but all the time in subtle undermining ways that we have no right to our own sexuality, that sex isn't really something women do for fun, that it's this big power we have over men, and of course that we are the "gatekeepers" of sex. This narrative says that women don't really like sex of their own accord, but that men like, no, need it and are powerless to resist it. Hence the whole narrative/relationship between men and women is set as such, with men interacting with women in order to try and procure sex with them, and women having this really confusing role where they are both the provider/source of all sex but also not supposed to seek it out or appear too interested or let it go too easily or we lose our power.
Secondly, there is always this undercurrent that men are more powerful than women in our society. For centuries men have had very obvious power differences to women - economic power (often being the only breadwinner, or women being discouraged from working, under educated, historically confined to lower status jobs such as secretarial or care work, being paid less for the same job as a man), political power (it being much later that women got the vote, the lack of female representation in politics), physical strength (I'm not going to link surveys but there are so many statistics which show women fear violence from men regularly and constantly. Plus women are in a more vulnerable position if they are pregnant or when they have children). Men are taken more seriously in the workplace and a woman is more likely to have a male boss than a man having a female boss. A man's word tends to be automatically trusted over a woman. Men are seen as more logical and rational whereas women are "hysterical", "overthinking" and "soft". Traditionally and in some religions/customs which survive in the western world today, the father is considered the "head" of the household.
Of course, the differences are far less marked today than they were 50, 100 or more years ago. But they are still there today, and they are constantly reinforced in ways that are so subtle that most of us don't notice them. Even if you're aware of them you can't catch all of them, because they are insidious.
So put these two unconscious beliefs together. Women (as a whole) don't have anywhere near the level of power as men (as a whole). That's a horrible feeling, that makes you feel very powerless. And it's backed up every day, every time your opinion gets shouted down or laughed off by a man, every time you go to work and see that the higher up the company, the higher concentration of males, every time you cross the street to avoid the loud, drunk guys on the other side. When you're in a powerless position what do you do - you latch onto anything that makes you feel powerful. And sex, everyone around you says, makes you feel powerful. And the thing is that when you are engaging with these guys who have these views about sex, about having to "get it" from women, using sex as a power or control tool does work. That's what they want from you, and they're willing to play along to get it. And it's fun - it's sexy, it makes you feel powerful, it's great to feel like you're in the driving seat for once when your entire life you're just a passenger, and most of the time you're not even allowed to ride up front. The feeling of being in control of somebody else is intoxicating and addictive, and it sets off pleasure receptors so you can go along like this, genuinely happy, believing you're loving sex, "owning" this dynamic and enjoying yourself, for years and years. Some people go their whole life like this, but the problem is that it's not really what sex is about, it's not about your own pleasure and autonomy, it's more of an illusion of control and power than a real one - men know that if they wanted to they can take that sexual power from you at any moment by force. Of course decent men don't, wouldn't ever do this, but not all guys are decent.
Plus, it gets tiring, and boring. When sex is all about playing a game and keeping score, it's not about what you want. You're not really enjoying it, it becomes a chore. Meanwhile he's come to expect it. This is when he starts accusing you of playing games, the thing is that the game was never in your control to begin with.
I don't think that you have "an issue with controlling sex". I think you adopted a perfectly understandable and natural survival technique in a world which is far more hostile to women than anybody seems to want to admit. I think that a LOT of women do this, and either fall into a routine where they're happy-ish, their partner is happy-ish, and neither can be bothered to address it (or they turn a blind eye to the way their partner "addresses it") so it's not an issue. Or you're lucky and fall into a healthy relationship by chance, which is the best outcome, but I think that a lot of people just end up long term unhappy and/or in a string of unhealthy relationships playing out the same old dynamics except that in the end your fight is gone.
I'm not saying that counselling won't help because I think it will, we could all a lot of the time do with a little help to unravel these really damaging messages we are constantly bombarded with. I just want to say don't think that you're broken, or wrong, or have behaved in anything other than a perfectly understandable and logical way. The logic is sound, the information it was based on to begin with is the part that is faulty.