Oh Shit…. DH not talking to me!

[rattlesnake]

This is sooo stupid..but anyway, bit of background. Last year I put a GPS tracker on DH's car, due to neighbours being stolen. Thought it was a good safety gadget to have. I occasionally check it, just out of curiosity, but last night it said car had been somewhere totally out of the way..from work / home! So when DH came home I asked him why he had to go to such and such place. He said he didn't know what I was talking about. I started a row, saying he was a liar…(why would GPS be wrong??) He slept in one room, I in the other. Breakfast in silence. Then later this morning I checked the GPS again and it said car had been in some obscure place…when it was clearly in driveway all night!! Oops! I have texted my apologies…but he is really pissed off that I don't trust him! Technology does fail I guess… and I have to do some serious creeping now.

'I wasn't really checking on his whereabouts ( I think!) Just happened to check GPS.'

Rubbish. Why did you 'just happen' to check the GPS then? There's no such thing as 'just happened'. You didn't fall on the GPS and accidentally switch it on and accidentally look at it.

You took a deliberate action to look at the GPS to track where the car was and thus where he was.

I can understand fitting the GPS in case the car is stolen. But there is no reason whatsoever to check it if the car isn't stolen. You say you've done this several times out of 'curiosity'. Curiosity about what? You know the car hasn't been stolen. So what are you curious about? Answer: Where your partner is.

I'd be bloody furious if my partner were spying on my precise whereabouts in this way.

This is the real problem. Not the fact that the GPS was wrong and created this big argument. You shouldn't have been spying on him in the first place. And unless you can admit to him that that is what you were doing, and apologise for that, taking responsibility for your deliberate actions, you won't be resolving this very well.

People would deny looking at pork out of embarrassment.
Being accused of having an affair is completely different.

neiljames haha at typo!

Sorry Op, you seem to have trust issues in your marriage, and I can understand why that might be, given the information you've provided. I'm not blaming you for checking up on him, you must have your reasons.

I'm binning this shitty phone. Why has it auto corrected a real word????

Trackers do go a bit 'off line' at times. We had GPS trackers on lorries at an place I used to work, it showed one doing 350 mph and in Uzbekistan , the lorry was in fact 1 mile up the road getting diesel.

I don't know what the big problem is, DH and I have each other on the "find friends" app on iphone, I always check where he is, not because I don't trust him but because I want to know when he's left work so I can start dinner... If it showed him being somewhere completely unexpected I wouldn't have a problem asking where he was, and I'm sure he wouldn't think I was spying on him!

What actually happened?
He said he didn't know what you were talking about.
You say "I started a row".

If that's:
"why have you been to x place?"
"I haven't? What are you in about?"
"you're a fucking liar, yes you have, I hate you"

And you've no reason to suspect him...

Then you're out of order. Very much so.
Though I'd like to explore what led to you checking up on him and assuming GPS was right.

If he has given you plenty of reason to be suspicious, and he was unhelpful and dismissive in his response I might excuse you more.

Ginger - presumably you don't get into a slanging match and call your DH a liar though?

I'd be furious if I was your DH and would probably call it a day. Honestly, you had absolutely no reason not to trust him. Tracking his movements. That's grim.

Ginger - there's a big difference between you both using a mutually useful tool and this situation.

The GPS was fitted in case of theft, not for surveillance of one person by the other. And her husband hadn't even thought about it/had forgotten it had been fitted. It's an abuse of what they agreed to.

If my DP was checking up on my whereabouts and then falsely accusing me of being places where I wasn't, I'd probably walk out.

I have left a fiancee for doing this. It was part of a package of abusive traits.

I've seen a little 'double standards' on MN about this (from a minority of posters) several times over the months.
Man checks/spies on woman = controlling weirdo
Woman checks/spies on man = quite normal, if he doesn't like it he must have something to hide, 'trusting' relationships mean you let the other person tab you constantly... otherwise you're shifty.

Re the computer thing: yup, he's a liar. But looking up sexy stuff is one thing: men ONLY do that to jack off if you'll pardon the term. Even if the car had gone somewhere which wasn't work/home, EVEN then, unlike the computer there might be 101 'normal' explanations: going to a shop, dropping a colleague home, fancied a sneaky Drive-thru...

Which is why checking the car was so out of order IMO. It's something not inherently dodgy. I'm going to the garden centre in a minute, haven't told DH. I might not happen to mention it but if I didn't (1) he wouldn't check and (2) he wouldn't assume it was some Lady Chatterly action going down.

ha oh dear....... another snooper gets more than they bargained for!!

You're F*cked!! Eat humble pie, spoil him, it'll pass. You might want to have a long think about your relationship though? Nobody (including him) is buying your crap about 'just happening' to check the GPS.

You either have good cause to be checking in which case you need to discuss that with him (looking at porn a year ago does not equal good cause) or you are a paranoid lunatic, neither are good things.

Yes I certainly wouldn't call DH a liar (specially since Find Friends doesn't work properly at times!)...

Just goes to show how different we all are. Me, DH and DD all have find my friends on our phones and it's really useful. It suits our lives and we're happier for having it.

Joys as discussed above, all deciding to have something is not snooping, is it? Its consensual and above board.

I've not really seen many double standards on here. When there is, it's a small minority. Most posters on here just seem to say it as it is regardless of gender. It's really refreshing.

That's why I used 'minority' and 'a bit' re these boards. :) But it has cropped up recently ... just a couple of posters I've noticed who I see posting on one thread "he looked at your phone... kick him out" then a few days later "well, if he can't handle you looking at his phone, it's a problem...".

The vast majority of people 'get' that you can't just root through people's stuff, and shouldn't expect them to let you if you love them! Which is entirely different from agreeing not to password phones or whatever as a joint decision if that is the way you roll.

I wouldn't have called him a liar cos that is personal. you could have been honest and said, I checked the GPS and it said that it is this distance. Is everything okay ? And any way, does your DH know that the reason you put the GPS on there is to check that it won't be stolen ? Because if his mind is not focused on that reason before, and he does not know what you are on about, then "suddenly" out of nowhere you went ahead and throw xyz at him, he would be like a bunny caught in the headlight kind of situation and to be honest, nobody deserves this kind of treatment.

To me, it seems to me that you got some very good explanation to do, and a lot to apologise for. The other thing is, do you need to look out for his safety this way ? Shouldn't he want to look after himself too ?