Not been on here for a while, but remembered how much it helped when my kids were younger having a sounding board.
Will try to be to the point, but it's very complicated. Apologies in advance.
Hubby of 19 years is an Oil and Gas contractor, which means I have moved me and the kids double figure times to different countries in their single figure lives, as well as having over 6 months separation on average each year. I stopped my own job when I was pg with my first as it was impossible to continue and to bring them up. I have lived in many many dumps over the years, continually had to make new friends for them and me, and I haven't known for 19 years where I would be living next. It has taken a huge toll on me, and I was starting to get very bitter.
Last year when my youngest started full time school I decided after 10 years at home I had had enough and wanted to work again, and landed myself an incredible job. To be fair to him, he took a sabbatical and let me do it, even though it involved him having to stay at home with the kids for a couple of weeks at a time when there were contracts involving travel. I loved every second of it, but it got cut short unexpectedly, due to him being offered a better gig, and I had to resign. I have been honest and told him I have had enough of this, but there is no end in sight.
To compound matters, when I was doing my lovely job I clicked with a colleague who travelled with me, and I have never laughed so much or produced such good work. There was a real synergy, and I admit I developed strong feelings for him, but never acted on them, as we are both married with kids, and I didn't want to screw up my kids lives, or his, with an affair and I was brought up in my career to believe that you didn't compromise your professionalism. The last day I was there he took me out to lunch and confessed the same, but we both agreed it was probably as a result of spending so much time together, and that we needed to get over it. genuinely, not even a snog happened. But he treated me like absolute gold, which maybe turned my head, as I knew he wasn't doing it to get into my pants.
we kept in contact and still are, 9 months later, every day, but I don't know what to do. I love him, and I would love to be free to have a future with him, which is what he says he wants with me, but I cannot be the woman to rip apart my kids from their father, or rip his family apart too. My romantic love for my hubby died a long time ago, but he is a kind father and husband when he is here, and my children adore him.
So what do I do? Do I keep plodding on getting moved all the time endlessly having to readjust the family and putting up with fraternal love? (I would describe our marriage as compatible, but not in love with each other). I know the dutiful thing is to stay, but I think I will be shot down in flames for saying I want my life back. And a part of that is to be in love.
Please give me your opinions but don't be too harsh.