Getting over it

[Whoopsiepoopsie]

I was seeing a man quite intensively for three months, I was really into him and he started to get really hot and cold. I suppose I knew it wouldn't be good news but I felt I had to ask what was going on. He responded horribly and aggressively, it was a real shock: turns out he didn't want a relationship at all and wasn't really into me.

I was heartbroken, quite frankly- it also went against how heavily he pursued me and how he was when we were together.

We've been texting a bit since it happened, it has gotten a bit flirty- I've stopped it now though as I knew it wouldn't lead to good things. I'm just totally infatuated with him. I think about him a lot. How can I just get over it? It's been ages now and I just want to not care any more.

He responded horribly and aggressively, it was a real shock: turns out he didn't want a relationship at all and wasn't really into me

Keep reminding yourself of what he is really like.

It's a cliche, but time really does help.

Someone will be along with good advice soon.

How long has it been since the intensive three months? If you want to not care you'll have to fill your life and your time with new things and new people. No more texting.... just makes you look pathetic

Yes I said I've stopped the texting. Thanks for that, I don't quite see how I'm the pathetic one here, he is.

So how long has it been since you stopped texting him?

Four or five days? It's 50-50 who starts it, but he was a bit of a dick in our last text exchange so I thought, enough.

I just don't get why I fall for men so hard if they're offhand and casual about me, but I don't feel the same way about men who are straightforward and nice. It feels like there's something wrong with me.

Whoopsie it's good that you've identified the fact that you may have a masochistic streak of some sort. Get therapy to deal with that and find out why. You do not want to find yourself in an abusive relationship one day.
Sounds to me like you've had a lucky escape. If somebody treats you badly, get indignant and refuse to accept anything less than to be treated with respect.

Bit harsh to call her 'pathetic'...

Time....and distraction by doing lots of nice things and seeing fun, kind people. Delete his number and pretend he is dead. Strong words, but helpful, I feel :-)

Go no contact and focus on having fun and enjoying the life you've got and I bet you in 6 months time you'll have forgotten what you saw in him.

I doubt there's anything wrong with you beyond lacking the confidence and self-esteem to say 'bugger off' the minute you realise someone's a dick. :) It's only been a few days so you have to go easy on yourself. However, it's an opportunity to build up your self-esteem and confidence at the same time as learning from the experience. As part of the learning process you might find this article here interesting, especially the part at the end about feeling like you're stuck in a pattern or some kind of magnet for bellends.

As for building your confidence.... what are your dreams and goals? Where do you see yourself this time next year? What challenges are there in your life? And how long have you spent of your adult life boyfriend-free?.... Independence is a good short-cut to higher self-esteem.

"Bit harsh to call her 'pathetic'..."

Pathetic is defined as 'arousing pity'.... and I feel pity for someone who engages in texting with someone who has behaved 'horribly and aggressively' and said that they don't like them.

Hahaha! MAGNET FOR BELLENDS! That gave me a giggle. Thanks COG, I'm going to have a read of that too.

Perhaps he is married or broke up with someone met you then they have got back together sad it seems you dont want to be with someone like that anyway the way he treated you.

Well it comes across as hostile and rude to most people, Cogito.

'makes you look pathetic'
Is not the same as saying 'you are pathetic'
Just an observation
Just because someone is 'behaving' like an idiot.
Doesn't actually make them an idiot.

Maybe you could look into the Freedom Programme. You can do it on-line.

And now you have learnt a bit of a lesson on this, take things much slower with the next guy.

Yes this is about you choosing men who treat you badly, counselling?

Sometimes we really want what we can't have! I split up with a guy few years ago but he kept on and on texting me acting as if I was still his girlfriend. I'm afraid that in the end I was really horrible to him and he finally got the message that it was over. Perhaps this bloke was doing the same thing but he has no right whatsoever to keep texting you and getting all flirty. He said he doesn't want to be with you so why are you letting him treat you like this? Yeah you might get together again for a while and then when he is fed up he will dump you again. Don't allow yourself to be used. Block his number, delete it from your phone and have no more contact at all. It's the only way you are going to get over him and the only way he will learn that you respect yourself and deserve better.