When do u give up trying with seperated step daughter

[NormalBloke]

Me and her mum been together 10 years inc married for 4 years...she is 14 and since we seperated 3 months ago she does not return hardly any of my emails or texts...Have told her I consider that I will always be there for her and I will always be her dad if thats what she wants....she very very rarely sees her real dad and shes not interested in him.

She is extremely close to her mum...so I just do t know what to do.we have 2 other kids together so we are all tied together.

Seen her only a couple of times and we have always had a good time.

What should I do.....I have tried not to pressure her at all

Do I stop texting emailing and leave it up to her? Or just keep reminding her I am there ?

Thanks

'I really miss you' is not helpful. Asking her if she'd rather you were all back together was a stupid thing to say, sorry. Keep going down that route and it sounds as though are emotionally manipulating your ex via your DD. Don't do it. It's very poor form and if her DM finds out you've been talking like that, you are going to be further in the shit than you already are.

Keep conversations with your DD about what's going on in her life, what's going on in your life and do not pump her for information, whine about the break-up or talk to her about problems that are not in her control.

Is there any way you could arrange for you, her and your other 2 children to go out somewhere together? would she be up for that do you think?
from what you said in your last post it sounds like she does want to keep in contact with you.
someone else suggested keep on inviting her out even if you know she will say no. I think that's good advice.

I also think she's at a funny age and sometimes teens are rubbish at maintaining contact with anyone other than their peer groups. I remember at about 14/15 going from seeing my grandparents every week to once or twice a year because I was so wrapped up in my own life. could your stepdaughter be similar?

I've read a few of your threads on here OP, and the thing that screams out of all of them is your neediness, and apparent love of high drama/angst.

This young teenage girl is not your daughter, and you may have been a father figure for a while, but she will be very aware that you are not her father.

Pulling the 'I miss you, don't you care for meee, if you don't tow the line and play my way I'll just have to give up (after only 12 weeks!), poor me' is completely inappropriate.

You should, in my opinion, have to go through the girls mother for contact with this very young teenager. You should not be allowed to manipulate her/your ex like this.

She is much too young to cope with your issues, and you have no right to make any demands of her at all.

She's only 14 and this is the second time she's Ben through a split. Be patient with her and keep emphasising that you are always there for her.

14 is a difficult age anyway. My parents split when I was 14 and I thought my whole world had caved in on top of me. Just give it time.

It's very commendable that you want to make an effort with her and I'm sure she will talk to you eventually

Cog, I have a step-daughter from my own (separated) marriage, so I know what it means to be part of a child's life who you love - and then not.

But ultimately, as a step-parent, you have no legal right to contact, that was my point, and some of what the OP is saying here is inappropriate - I mean, comparing the texting to when you first meet a girl -? Ultimately, there are proper channels to arrange these things; and directly contacting a child repeatedly with no response, making comments about whether you and her mum should get back together etc does not sound like love and concern, it sounds emotionally manipulative.

Runnning out the door, but I just wanted to comment that teenagers are like that with their absent parent, and your own two will be too. So hang in there and understand that they go through all kinds of moods, but do not take umbrage or take it personally when she does want to see you or says that she never wants to see you again. Teenagers are capricious like toddlers.