DH may have to work away during week

[poshme]

DH may soon start a job where he will have to live away Monday-Thursdays. We have 3 young DCs.
Just asking for any hints and tips for those who've done this please?
(We can't move as the job would be based in 2 places- our current location & the other city so we'd be away from him half the week even if we moved)

How much does he do at the moment? Fairly common situation around here with my friends.

I find it strangely relaxing when Dh is away, as I can just get in with bedtimes etc on my own. The only real downside is the lack of adult company and then adjusting to the weekends again.

My dad did it for years and years starting when I was 5 so Mum had 4 kids aged 10 and under to look after.
He had long holidays so we had that time with him and the weekends and he'd phone each evening.
I know Mum got her routine during the week and then would have to sort of prepare when he'd be back on Friday - not making the house clean or anything like that, just readjusting to having another adult around so I think it was tough on her (and probably him but I've heard more of her side).

Never bothered me at all really. I mean, it was sometimes a bit sad saying goodbye on Sunday evenings or Mondays, especially after holidays but that's the only negative stuff I remember about it from a child's point of view.

I find it easier during the week when he's away.. I'm much more organised!

Get Skype/FaceTime and arrange daily video chats. If the DC are of the age he can read to them every night before bed.

Spread out in bed - I feel confined when I have to share the bed!

It is crap in the beginning but it gets better. DH did this whilst I was pregnant with DS1 and for the first few months of his life. I missed him and I was a hormonal cow but we made the most of our time together at the weekends and genuinely missed each other. No tips I can give you though, just that you will become used to it.

My DH does this every week. I'm pregnant with DC1 at the moment, and it's been a bit crap throughout the pregnancy, but I don't mind too much normally - you get used to it pretty quickly, and Skype etc helps.

I had two at different schools when we had to do this. DH was away Sunday nights until mid evening on Fridays and we did it for years.

I was daunted, but to be perfectly honest when it came to it, I got myself and the kids so organized that it wasn't nearly as challenging as I'd anticipated and we were like a well oiled machine.

It was a routine, laundry/school uniforms/homework/food shopping and cooking etc. were all planned out and sorted. Just things to remove stress really. The DCs knew they had little jobs to sort out and they stepped up and enjoyed doing them.

That sounds very regimented but it was quite relaxed because all the essential stuff was figured in and they knew exactly where they stood, no playing one off against the other say at bedtime.

To be absolutely honest it was hard adjusting to DH coming home at weekends as he was tired and to a certain extent his presence disrupted the status quo and then of course, we missed him all over again.

I didn't have the benefit of internet food shopping and home delivery, but I would definitely do that if I were in the same position now.

I'm going to be a dissenting voice here then, my H does this and has done for the last 3-4 years and I hate it. I also have 3 young children, the youngest is 3 so he's done it all her life so far. I hate being restricted to the house in the evenings and not being able to pop out for a pint of milk or anything. I am a SAHM so also hate the lack of adult conversation for days on end. I miss him terribly, as do the children. It's made all of us quite miserable, so much so that we're relocating. My h also works in two locations so we're going somewhere in the middle which means he'll still have a long commute but at least can be home every night.
Having said that, I have a friend in the same situation whose h has been working away all their married life (15 years) and it suits them fine. I can't understand why she hates if if he's home early, she can't understand why I hate it if mine isn't! Horses for courses.

Thanks everyone. I'm hoping that when (if) it finally happens, I'll just get on with it & it'll just be a new way of living our family life IYSWIM?
He works long hours now- often not home till 10 and hardly ever home for kids bath & bed. But he is usually around at breakfast where he gets under my feet and I think the kids will miss seeing him then.

I suppose I worry a bit that I'm just going to get lonely every evening, and then just splurge my whole week at him when becomes home.
Also the fact that my life will be the same old same old SAHM stuff whilst he will be meeting new people & experiencing new things with his job (albeit very busy & pressured). I know that's something I have to deal with (not for the first time) I'm just aware that the logistics of 3 kids & their associated extra-curricular stuff will be more complicated when DHis never here as opposed to hardly ever here!

Did any of you book a regular babysitter when your DH wasn't around so you cold go out in the evening?

My DH has worked away Mon-Fri (mixture of UK and abroad) for the past 15 or so years. Our children are 14 and nearly 12 so have had this all their lives. We are very used to it. It's not ideal but it works OK. I work FT as a teacher and just have to be very organised. It was more difficult when the children were younger and had to go to the child minder before and after school. They now come home on the school bus so easier all round. DH phones every night.

Thanks lizziemint- it's helpful to have another perspective. Sadly due to the nature of the job we can't move, and I'm hoping ill cope ok.

lizziemint I'm not saying I like him being away....I was pregnant with DC1 when he started working away during the week. DS was born on the Friday and he went back to work on the Monday. It's been fricking hard.

I put up with it, grin and bear it but the mortgage needs to be paid - needs must.

I have used various babysitters over the years, and it is crucial to have someone/a few on call, if only for parents evenings and sanity. I used to use teenagers I knew well. Even my kids were relieved when I got one to babysit so I could go to my book club.

Some adult company is crucial.

Am in this situation and have been for the last four years.Its not easy whether you are at home or working outside the home.I found it hard when I was on ml as it was relentless.There was no break in the evening to go for a walk or even to the shop.Going back to work was good in that I now have adult company during the day and my own income( bug that's another story!)but it is still difficult because I am working , doing pick ups and drop offs, breastfeeding, shopping, making dinners, cleaning up, baths and bed time.It is non stop but I am trying to embrace it and see all the positives because I want to enjoy my girls when they are young.A cleaner during the week really helps .In an ideal world we wouldn't have to live like this but we are all happy and healthy and make the most of our weekends together.

In a way chase face I think it might help- at the moment I never know if he'll be home early so can't plan evenings with him, but this way I know he'll be home Friday nights as his working day will be much shorter on Fridays which is not the case now.
He will also get much more flexibility with holidays so might be able to take holidays at the same time as the school holidays which is a big plus for me.
We do co-parent, but I suspect like many couples who have 1 higher earner & 1 SAHP, I do the majority of the kids stuff during the week.

He doesn't have to take it, but he really wants it.

My dh has one of those jobs where we never know where he'll be sent one day to the next Mon - Fri. Some weeks he'll be home every night, some weeks away all week.

tbh I manage ok - mainly because it's always been like this since we got together 8 years ago and pre kids - although perhaps the hardest thing for ds (4) is the unpredictability of it all. He did go through a very clingy stage thinking daddy would never come home which was and Still can be hard.

I dislike not being able to commit to anything in the week and I have to work childcare round my job because I can't rely on him. In the early days with ds I did make sure I was super organised - clothes laid out the night before, pack ups done, bags packed otherwise I'd never have got to work on time! I got better as the years went on :)

It can't be that bad because we now have ds 2 who is 14 weeks old but I know it's really hard on him because he feels he misses out on a lot of stuff and certainly finds our the boys grow and change markedly everytime he is away.

But it's never forever and Fridays are the best day of the week because we always get every week end as a family.

My husband started working away Monday - Thursday at the start of the year. We have a little boy aged 2. Same story as other people - it's a job that pays well and he is good at.

Sunday nights are crap as he irons his work clothes and preparing himself to go away again.

But we email, whatsapp, Skype etc during the day and chat in the evening so we still communicate a lot (and it helps to have an adult conversation!) I have my in laws near by just in case some thing goes wrong.

But it's so good when he arrives home on Thursday night. We are both excited to see each other.

I think I'm just rambling but what I want to say is that it sucks, but you'll get used to it.

mine works away on a rota of 3 weeks away, 3 back. I don't like being stuck in at night as you say you will be, as I like to go out to exercise. I am thinking of getting one or two local babysitters, probably teenagers when my youngest is older so I can nip out for an hour or two. I do though have the luxury of basically being free for 3 weeks and try and make the most of it.

My tips - get organised, get a cleaner for Thursday so come Friday and weekend no need to waste time cleaning, internet shopping,Skype. Try and get reciprocal arrangements with other mums for club/school runs. I do this with some local mums and it really helps. Accept the kids won't be able to go to everything - I'm sure it won't do them any harm. Finally the time will fly by and before you know it he will be back. I can't see you getting lonely - there won't be time.

I take it there's extra money in this? Can you use some of it to buy-in help? You're not going to want to spend the weekend arguing over the cleaning, so get a cleaner. Some kind of child care through the week would be good for your sanity too - whether that's to go to the gym or down the pub...

Reconnecting as a couple can be hard IME - and we did this pre-children! So I think as well some time for the two of you to be together as a couple, even if it's just to go to Costa for an hour on the Sat afternoon would be helpful.

Its not the same situation, but my DH works lomg hours, and is rarely home mid week by the time I go to bed. He isnt home from work yet. I work 3 weekdays a week, and on those days, I leave the house early, so he isn't up by the time I leave. We never eat together mid week. If I want to go out in the evenings, or need to work late, and I rarely do, I sort out a babysitter.

In essence, I don't see him, or hardly any of him, on weekdays. He is usually home by 7 or a little bit later, on a Friday night and rarely works weekends.

It is something that I just accept. If I thought about it, I would say that I didn't like it, but we both accept it and get on with it. I find things to do at home in the evenings, keep on top of the housework so that there isn't much to do at weekends, read, watch TV etc. It can get lonely though.