I'm not sure if I can do this anymore

[Bluedolphin1971]

Hi there,

My husbands moods are really getting me down, and I'm not sure how much I can take.

He isn't abusive, and we do generally have a good relationship, it's just his moods. They are getting more frequent and it's getting to the stage where I'm sitting wondering what kind of mood he will be when he comes home from work!!!! And yes sometimes I do get myself worked up about it.

He can come home from work, doesn't say anything to anyone, if anyone asks him something he will give a short sharp answer, and it creates a horrible atmosphere in the home. he will go to bed early and just sulk about until he comes out of it.

I am really getting to the stage where I'm thinking this just isn't worth it anymore. He has a fantastic life, he plays golf whenever he wants to, I never complain, and when he is in a good mood, he will tell everyone he has the life of Riley and he wouldn't change me for anything!!!!!

I really feel like walking because it's getting me really unhappy, BUT I'm a foster carer, and we have 2 children with us who have just been placed with us permenantly, so if I uproot my life, I uproot theirs. There is no way I can just leave without it disrupting my own children and my foster childrens lives. the foster children have to have a room of their own, and there is no way on this earth I can afford to buy a house like that without a lottery win, and there is no way I could buy my husband out and keep our existing house.

I just don't know what to do. Whenever I ask him what's wrong, he just says nothing, but quite clearly there is.

Well, don't accept his "nothing" when you ask him what's wrong because it's patently untrue. You know it and he knows it, too. If you're not sure whether you can do his any more I think you should put that to him in words of one syllable. You deserve to be heard and he deserve to know how you are feeling.

You have a choice: either persuade him to share with you whatever it is that's going on with him and you try to resolve it together if that's possible, you ignore it and carry on as you are or make up your own mind about what you want to have happen.

How long have these bad moods been going on for? Are they relatively new? Has something changed for him at work?

He has always went in moods, but as he has gotten older, they are getting more frequent. He started a new job last year and generally he likes it, but sometimes he isn't busy at work and he hates when that happens.

My sons little friend was here for dinner, and he has just left with his dad, and he was talking fine with the boys dad, now he is away back upstairs in a mood. He has ben talking to the children okay, it just seems to be me.

When he came home from work earlier, I asked him what was wrong (this mood started yesterday), he said nothing I told him there was something wrong and he asked me not to annoy him. It's getting to the stage where my blood is starting to boil, however, I can't kick off because of my foster children. I have to keep calm, when in actual fact, I feel like telling him to fuck off.

It is so frustrating when they go around like an imminent thunderstorm - and won't communicate...

Sympathy!

I know how this feels OP, it's so horrible and frustrating for you. I had this with my ex and in my experience it was resentment building up towards me that he would never discuss. I ended up becoming very depressed by it.

I would stop asking him what's wrong and focus on you and the children and see what he does then. It may be a passive aggressive way to punish you. Show him how tedious it is by ignoring it. Then he may communicate what's bothering him or start being overtly horrible.

The fact he can be civil to others is hurtful and a piss take and shows that he has a problem with you.

Good luck, you sound like a lovely woman.

I have no idea what he can be resentful about. He was fine on Monday night, when he went to bed, I didn't see him on Tuesday morning because he was up and away to work before I got up, and he came home yesterday night in a mood?????? And is still in a mood now?????

Is he depressed? Sometimes mood swings are the start of things and get worse the longer things are left bottled up. Is it just mood swings?

An old friend was depressed, she was always snappy, in moods, always saying it's fine, just a bad day at work, just "one of those days", and became withdrawn, and unattached. 3 years later she's severly depressed with 2 children she doesn't see and she's divorced.

In the past when he has been like this he has said he isn't depressed. he has just sat at the kitchen table with the kids talking about their day, was laughing a joking with them.

I've suffered from depression before and he doesn't seem to be suffering from it if he is talking okay to everyone else.
Seriously if I didn't have the foster children, I would leave because I seriously can't be bothered with these moods anymore, but how can I possibly upset their lives anymore.

Depression is different for everyone. Some put on an act in front of people and have the occassional happy moment, and most deny they have a problem.

If you can get him to sit down and talk to you, then try that. If you are even just thinking of leaving call your SW and let them know, they're their for your support too as well as your foster children and may be able to ease some of your concerns regarding them.

Sometimes, some men just like to blame everything that they perceive as going wrong in their life on their partners. It doesn't have to be something you've done for them to feel resentful.
You sound very fed up and I don't blame you.

I agree with tella. He is feeling out of sorts ir angry and wants to place that anger somewhere. You become the target and he will think up reasons why you have caused this. But it is his fear of finding out it is him which makes him do it. All you can do is ignore it. And consider a way out. He needs counselling to find out why the anger is there.

OP, the atmosphere and tension won't be doing your foster or own DC any good either. Far from staying because of them I honestly think you should leave because of them. It's the last thing they need when they've already been through a lot.

Why don't you speak to SS and see what their reaction is. You never know they might see finding you housing as a priority to keep the foster DC in a placement.

As for why he takes out his moods on - because he can. Because he thinks you are entirely dependent on him and have to put up with any shit he cares to throw at you. It is up to you to prove him wrong.

*takes his moods out on you