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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this bad timing?

5 replies

Kickhimwhilehesdown · 04/06/2014 15:22

Dh and I have had a rough patch over the last few years. Six weeks ago DH lost his job and that strain of it has in my eyes destroyed what was left of our relationship . I would like to leave but I feel like I would be kicking him when he is down. He is obviously very depressed about the job situation should I hang on untill fingers crossed he gets another job or do it now. This is further complicated as There was an opportunity recently which came up which meant he would have been going overseas to work . I had no intention of going with him and DH was quite happy with this as our DC are at cruicial years in their education and cant be moved for the next two years. however it looks like it might have fallen through as his future boss was uncomfortable with splitting the family . the thing is that is exactly what I wanted , an easy way out . Now I feel I am also ruining his job opportunities by staying together what would you do? I did jokingly say that he should tell the boss we were seperating and DH went mad so he obviously has no idea how I really feel.I have no idea why not as the relationship has been flatlining for years. I think he must have just normalised how bad our relationship is and can't see it.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 04/06/2014 15:27

Is there any way you can work together to improve things?
Have you completely fallen out of love with him?
Is there anything there to re-kindle?
Have you had counselling together at all in the past?

Kickhimwhilehesdown · 04/06/2014 15:36

In an answer to your questions hellsbellsmelons I don't know if the marriage can be saved or even if I want it to. We just bicker all the time and I know it's because DH is frustrated about his work situation but it is dragging me down and I find I am almost actively trying to avoid him now by going out , arranging things without him or even just changing room when he is around. maybe counselling might help. I am sure a large portion of the problem is me as I feel I am losing respect for him but not because of him losing his job but more because I just don't think he is being pro active enough looking for one.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/06/2014 15:37

If you've never actually had a conversation where the future of the relationship has been discussed or problems aired then he could very well think everything's OK. There's never a good time to tell someone that you don't want to be with them any more. Depends how you define a 'rough patch' on how sensitive you want to be about it.

hellsbellsmelons · 04/06/2014 15:44

I think you need to sit down and tell him exactly how you feel.
Why you feel that way and then see what he has to say in return.
If he doesn't know how you feel then he won't know what he can do to make things better.
Sounds like you want out and that job was the perfect way to achieve that.
But if it is not an option now then you are going to have to talk to him.

Kickhimwhilehesdown · 04/06/2014 16:08

I think you are right . I think the job offer just crystallised how I felt

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