Marriage 'on the rocks' - did couples counselling work for you?

[Fingerscrossedandtoestoo]

DH and I have been together 10 years, since we met at uni. We have two young children.

Our relationship has been 'on the rocks' (well, on and off really) for a good few years now and it feels like we might be at breaking point. At the moment I can't even bear the thought of divorce but I suppose it might have to come to that if we can't work things out. There haven't been any affairs, just arguing, bickering, resentment, bad dynamics that have developed over time. Perhaps some fundamental incompatibilities.

Anyway, we're planning to go to Relate, and I just wanted to ask if anyone has been and if it helped? And if anyone else has any other thoughts based on the above they'd be welcome too.

TIA.

We found Relate very helpful, I'm not sure we'd still be 'we' without them. The main thing was that we both got to think & talk about our problems in a calm, controlled way. As good as I think we both are at communicating, we'd got to a point where we couldn't see the wood for the trees.

If you're both willing, give it a try. Good luck.

Couples counselling works best if both of you are genuinely fond of each other, engaged in the process, want it to succeed, acknowledge problems and are prepared to accept change and take responsibility. Where it is unlikely to make a difference is if the opposite applies or if there is any element of bullying present. Counselling is unlikely to reconcile 'fundamental incompatibilities' either. In some cases, counselling can set people on the path to a good split rather than prop up a failed marriage.

OP I'd also say that Relate helped us to recognise that in some areas, we needed to recognise and work with our different communication needs and expectations, and that's something that we have carried with us. I don't know if it would helpful to give examples here, but I can do if you'd like me to.

Thanks both, that's really helpful.

We do want to try to work at it, definitely. We can't carry on like this but I think we're a long way from splitting up, thankfully. 'breaking point' was probably the wrong phrase but 'rock bottom' probably sums it up.

Yes Goring it'd be really useful to hear examples, thanks. Going to phone Relate tomorrow.

Relate are great, I even thought of training with them a few years ago as I found the sessions so useful.

Myself and my partner examined different patterns in our communication as well as uncovering our respective love "styles" regarding how we show affection, what makes us feel appreciated, how we can be more understanding of the other's style etc.

We used 2 other organisations/companies for slightly different issues since which I also found fantastic.