Feeling rather disillusioned with it all

[AnotherDayIsHere]

In my early 50s and been single for a while. I'm busy - family, work, friends, gym, activities, interests etc but don't have that special man in my life.

Have dipped in and out of OD and feel I'm quite savvy about it (and the Dating Thread is a wealth of knowledge). It makes me realise that I could have a 'relationship' if I wanted one - some men seem to want a 'relationship' with anyone, but I don't just want anyone - I want someone I click with and that simply doesn't happen.

Have had lots of coffee dates and a couple have progressed to second dates, but I just find them dull and old, even though some have been a little younger than me. I don't want a much younger guy or 'fun times', just someone I would enjoy being with and who would enjoy being with me - someone with some life in them - doesn't seem a lot to ask, but seems impossible to find.

Any thoughts/ideas?

I guess you just have to keep on looking. The more men you meet the better the chance you have!
Good luck

2 dates isn't long enough to get to know someone. Plus having a coffee doesn't give you much opportunity to shine. Can you maybe have a 3 date rule before ruling them out? With at least one of the dates being something you enjoy (and hope they enjoy too)?

I know that you usually can tell immediately if someone isn't your type but you might be missing out on a slow burner. I'm a slow burner type. Horribly awkward and overly polite until I feel more relaxed with someone then I'm amazing, ahem

Came back to say obviously just give the 'maybes' a further chance. I didn't mean for you to keep meeting definite no ways!

No experience personally of OD but know of others who have found it successful but wondering if you might find more similar blokes in an 'interest' group? ie My dsis joined a local walking group on Saturday afternoons when her ex had the kids, had fun, made some new friends and a year later met her now new partner . Took a year of chats, coffees after a walk etc before they'd progressed to dinner but they are now very happy. I know others done similar eg theatre groups - worth a try? Personally I'd struggle to think of an interest group (book group? Cinema society?) but you get the idea. Good luck

Oh I'm with you on this OP, in fact could've written your post. However, the more you do it the better it can get because if nothing else it hones your 'picker' and, for me, improved my confidence in dealing with the men I don't want to see again, and those I do.

I honestly think it's a numbers thing. Not a game exactly but statistically the more men you meet for a coffee or something simple, the more likely it is you'll meet someone who floats your boat so to speak. I multi date these days and I have no expectations of the first date other than to see if I like the first impression. I tell them, if they ask, that this is what I'm going to do until I meet someone whom I would want to be exclusive with and who wants the same. Mostly they go for it and if they don't then they have a choice, don't they?

Don't give up. If you get fed up, hide your profile for a while, update it with new photo's or try another site for a bit. Good luck!

Join Elite. The men are fitness fanatics. I'm in your age group.

I don't agree that you should just do dating for the sake of it. I think what you should do is indeed do the things that you love the best. It's really all about "me" time now. Especially when you mentioned that you want more of a soul mate. A lot of people just want to find someone, even if it is not the best of themselves. I would remain friends with people that you like, and continue to socialise and see where it takes you. You do not have to jump into relationships asap.

If you continue to expose yourself to things that you do not like, you will become more and more disillusioned and you won't find joy within yourself, and therefore won't attract the right guy.

Affairs of the heart to me means keeping the heart content first. Then if the right guy comes along, you can recognise him. You won't think "he tick this box and this box and this box" any more then.