in 4 month relationship and found out pregnant!

[dippyDona]

Hi, Im just looking for a friendly chat really something impartial. I havent been on here for a while and have changed my name so not recognised.
I have been with a lovely man for 4 months everything is going great weve just got back from a few days away with all our children together was really nice but chaotic. Day before we went I took a pregnancy test no real symptoms just had this really strong feeling something wasnt right. It was positive and I told my bf straight away he was shocked but said not to worry we can work things out. Before I am critisised I had been on the depo injection which is due to run out next week and up until around 6 weeks ago been having protected sex bar a couple of occasions. We had discussed it from the start that babies were a deffinate no no I already have 4 and he has 2.

Im just worried sick Ive always been a single mum my eldests dad finished with me while pregnant and then I was always more off than on with the others dad, ive never lived with a man which i know is weird when you have 4 kids and nearly 30! Im scared, I dont want to rush things by asking him to move in or anything like that but at the same time I want things to be totally different.

I couldnt get rid of it before anyone says its an option, Im back in work and hate the thought of been a sahm mum again. Since kids have gone to bed ive just been sat here crying, my bf has been great I honestly cant fault him enough he wanted to come round tonight so we could discuss things but I just felt like I needed a bit of space to get things in my head sorted. Obviously with been away with 6 kids in a caravan we never got chance to talk properly. He said he understood and that he could probilly do with doing the same.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Im also worried about people judging me 5 kids with 3 men, im waiting for the comments now.

Sorry for rambling

Hi Dippy,

What do you want to happen?

Do you want him to move in?

Four months is a very short time to have known someone and move in together imo, you shouldn't feel pressure to do anything.

At the moment, I'd say focus on what is right for you and your DCs, not what other people will think, or expect you to do.

How does he get on with your DCs? How do you get on with his DCs? Do your DCs like him? How do all the DCs get on together?

Does he have his DCs full time?

You don't need to live with him. There's nothing weird about not having lived with a man, unusual, but not weird.

Do you mind telling us how old your DCs are, and his?

Hand holding if you need it!

Take the decisions step-by-step (a bit like eating an elephant in bite-sizes).

You have already made decision No 1 - no abortion

So what are the next decisions you need to make?

Living together or co-parenting apart

How and when to tell your children that they are having a new sibling

When to announce to the rest of the family that you are expecting your 5th child

Nothing needs to be rushed. Get used to having child No 5 in your own mind first and then I think everything else will follow.

And as for anyone who puts on their 'judgey pants' about 5 children by 3 fathers ......... it isn't any of their business.

Congratulations! I bet your 5th baby is going to bring you all enormous joy!

I know it is tough but I honestly think moving in a man you have only known 4 months with 6 kids between you is too soon.

You have still only scratched the surface of each other.

It is much better to carry on as you are and take it slowly for now.

If he is a good bloke another 6/12 months won't matter.

If he turns out to be wrong for you better you find this out before you are stuck living together with all the kids stuck in the mix.

Thank you all for your kind replies made me feel a little bit better this morning reading them.

Misfitless - In all honestly I dont know what I want I have this perfect image of a family unit in my head but I know this is real life and things never work out the way you want or hope. I dont want to rush moving him in, maybe if it was just me then id chance it but got the kids to think about. Ive always struggled with early stages of having new baby have had pnd after my twins and I dont have much family support, Ive seen my bf wit his boys and I know he is a good dad to them I do want him to be a big part of the childs life.

My children are used to having a hectic family life I think i cant see 1 more baby having much effect, My 8 year old maybe as her dad is also expecting a baby so a lot of change for her. I also have a 6 year old ds and almost 4 year old twins, their dad is in a long term relationship with a lady with a 5 year old who they get on fab with so used to having other children around. Bfs sons are 7 and 5 and my kids have met them on 3 occasions including our little holiday they do all get on great so I cant see there been much problems in that factor, their mum also has a daughter aswell so a new baby isnt going to be anything new for them either.

sadwidow28 - Thank you. I think step by step is the only way. And I know shouldnt care what people think but sometimes its hard. I know I am blessed to be getting another chance to have another child just feel like so many obstacles

magoria Thanks I do agree with what you have said 100%.

Hi Dippy. I can't help much, as my situation was somewhat different (in that neither of us had kids), but I too found myself pregnant only three months into a new relationship. Well, we had actually been together six months when I found out, but that was still early days. We were shocked and briefly unsure what to do (about the baby, we were already very 'loved up' and planning on moving in together') but in a nutshell, we now have an amazing 2 to DD and couldn't be happier. Again, I know it's different as you both have other children to take into consideration. But as a couple, whilst the circumstances may not be ideal or fit a norm, it can work. Best of luck (not meant sarcastically!)

HKat Aww thanks its nice it worked out like that for you, With my first pregnancy I was only seeing my ex a couple of months was very nieve and stupid back then soon as I found out I was pregnant he ended the relationship although he is in dds life I never had much support from him and I think if it wasnt for his mum wanting to see dd from a young age for sleep overs etc she wouldnt know him hardly now.

My other ex is a fab dad just a crap bf we wernt meant to be we forced the relationship after I got pregnant with ds and it didnt work out, he wouldnt commit to me as in moving in or anything like that,then found out he had feelings for someone else got very messy we tried making a go of it again when ds was 1, I was in hospital and he tried his best to be there for us both I cant fault him enough but after about 6 months found out was pregnant with twins and he finished it again said best to do it now while ds is still young and babies wont know any different... I guess due to my experiences before that are making me worried.

Even though its early days with bf I do feel like we could be going somewhere dispite the pregnancy it feels really different to past relationships

Just been to doctors, because i havent had a proper period for about 11 weeks just odd random spotting gonna get me into see midwife next week and rush through an early scan incase im far gone than thought but I dont think I can be that far not had many symptoms although about 6/8 weeks ago I had really bad period pain and felt like i was going to come on but never did just had spotting a few days later remember it well because was on a night out and couldnt enjoy myself for the pain :/