STBXH & prostitutes. Not my fault then.

[Cabrinha]

So I dumped my STBXH for using prostitutes, but not until after several years of soul destroying constant evidence lookout, after all the "I was only looking" bullshit that couldn't be proved otherwise.
I reached the end of my tether about the same time as I found yet more evidence.

It had gone on years, I know it wasn't my fault. Still, you doubt yourself: was he only looking and only went through with it when our marriage was truly awful? For which, did I have some responsibility?

Of course the fault was all his, he was never "just looking". I know that. But it shakes you, infidelity, betrayal - you question yourself.

Let's not go into how I know, but it is certain - but he made 3 attempted bookings in March.

He got a new girlfriend in January.

So I guess if I ever needed vindication...

I think I just need a place where I can say: WHAT A DISGUSTING SHIT YOU ARE, XH.

You need to ask ?

Thanks for the flowers :)

Everyone thinks he's so nice. The new girlfriend is a friend of a friend I think - so they've rallied round to get the lovely single dad a blind date. They have no idea. I've kept the reasons for the split from his family / mutual friends for my own reasons. They think we just weren't suited and it's amicable. Ha ha ha...

Gosh, I wouldn't have been able to keep his disgusting secrets for him. You are a better person than me, I would have been singing like a fucking canary. You say you have your reasons though...I hope they are truly your own.

Oh they are, and they're entirely self serving :)
I've told non mutual friends everything.
And his hairdresser!

OK. Fair enough.

You're a saint. Lol. I'd would be compelled to drop hints.

May one enquire Why TF you're keeping his secrets? Allowing him to put up this public image?

You don't have to tell us, but deffo worth a ponder...

Yes, quite a lot of fun could be had with "dropping hints"

whoops , cross posted...

It's so tempting to drop hints Cookie!
But I'm keeping my knowledge / evidence - keeping my powder dry. The divorce isn't finalised yet and there's been some lying, forgery, thwarted stealing...
So I like to have this in my back pocket!

The one reason I don't mind sharing is that we have a child, and I just don't need this being overheard by her in some random conversation between adults. I heard all sorts as a child, it happens. Tbh, I have told too many of my own friends really - but hey ho. Couldn't carry it alone.

What he did is clearly laid out in divorce petition, and signed though.

Re hinting... I sent a Xmas present with our child as it's the right thing for her. Old enough to want to give a present, too young to do it all herself. XPIL were there on Xmas Day. I came >>>

Good for you Cabrinha!

My exh was abusive, saw prostitutes and used online cam girls...not sure if he's told his soon to be wife though. I'd think not. I haven't really spoken about it much irl and I guess the reason is because I'm ashamed of it.

Hugs Cheese
It's not your shame. You do know that. x

I'm a bit embarrassed that I was so keen to believe his lies (don't want to break up family, blah blah, I'm original aren't I?!). Also embarrassed that I didn't walk at the first "I was only looking" - when we weren't married, or a family. In what universe did I decide that "just curious" was even acceptable?! But I've forgiven myself, and I've learned from it :)

But shame...? No, that is all his.

Cheese, the shame is his. All of it. His dysfunction is not your fault. He is just not wired right. How could be your fault ?