Toxic Parents

[TheMuppetsIsWhereIShouldBe]

What are your earliest memories of your toxic parents? The first nasty thing they said, or the first nasty action?

I've blocked a lot of my childhood out and I've only just realised. I can remember bits and pieces but only the good things and I don't know why or when this happened.

I would of been between 10-12 years old. We went to Tesco and I asked for a sweet as we were doing our weekly food shop. She said no and being a child I asked why. I turns out I was "to fat" and If I wasn't careful I would "end up as fat as my useless father, so fat I'd have to go to them special shops for fat ugly people that nobody wants" I can still remember her words, the poison on her tongue as clear as day.

However that "never happened" of course because my mother said so.

The "Stately Homes" thread for you, Muppets. it's all there

Where would that be? Thank you.

Lots of things at on my memory. One was my birthday aged 11. I was a quiet child and had a few friends but I'm not loud and brash like my mother IMO.

I remember holding a party and a lot of her friends being there. I invited my friends and they all came and mum shouted at me afterwards saying that I had embarrassed her as she told everyone I had no friends.

At every special occasion I my life she has had back pain, gastro problems, rushed to hospital on the night of my hen with more 'pain', first weekend away with dh she rang to say sh had fallen and nearly died on concrete outside the patio.

I could go on.

So sorry you're going through this op

So sorry Little!

So many muppets, so many...

I can remember being around 9 and sitting at the top of the stairs listening to my parents talking in the living room. My mother was talking to my dad about how there was "something wrong" with me and that she wanted to take me to a child psychologist to find out what, but that she was worried that if they did it would go on my 'permanent record' and no decent school would ever want me, I wouldn't get into any university and they'd be "stuck with" me forever. There was "something wrong" I was a desperately unhappy child and craved love and affection.

And when I was 10 and a skinny child, she bought me some ski pants for my birthday and then when I tried them on, she told me I was too fat for them and took them back. I wasn't fat as a child at all. I'd be skinny by today's standards.

That's where it started and it ended with her screaming at me in the garden at 17 that I was the "bitch" who drove my father in to the arms of another woman.

And that no one would ever love me because I was the sort of woman that men 'settled' for.

We're NC now. I've never been happier.

I think her finest moment was telling me that she have preferred it if I'd been born with a disability because then at least I'd be deserving of her love.

I think she thought that if I'd been disabled, other people would have both admired her for her sacrifices and pitied her for the unfair situation that had befallen her.

She thrived on adulation and pity/sympathy.

Vile woman.

Me too FolkGirl, me too...

Let's see...

• At a very young age (maybe 6?) I recall being ridiculed and laughed at for something I had done, which was quite age appropriate. I ended up shouting at my toxic parents "Stop laughing at me!!!". I can't remember what the exact situation was, but the hurt from being laughed at still remains.

• At 9 yrs of age, I was out shopping with the Toxic Mother and wanted to hold her hand (as children do), and she refused and made a big about it. She should never have had children as she doesn't like physical contact or affection and sees love as a weakness.

• In my teens, at an age where you are becoming more self-conscious, she constantly poked fun of the size of my nose, any pimples I had or my weight, making me even more self conscious of myself. What a bitch!

I've gone NC with my toxic parents as well and its amazing how calm and content life can be without any toxic influences in your life.

My mum had a nervous breakdown when I was 10 and was never the same afterwards. She had ECT in the hospital and I overheard my father saying it had caused brain damage. I remember her taking me to a shopping centre when I was 11 and slapping me across the face because I was too afraid to get on the (down) escalator incase I fell. There were people behind me and she just slapped me. If she didn't like the look on my face when we were walking somewhere, she'd slap me. If I ate some chips out of the bag whilst carrying them home, she'd slap me. I went shopping with her for a dress when I was 15 and she laughed at how fat my thighs were (I was a size 6, she was a 16). Even now she'll tell me I'm almost as fat as she is, I'm a size 10-12 and she's pushing a size 20. I give her a bit of leeway because I know it's 'not her', IYSWIM, but Jesus!

When I was four I clearly remember being shoved off my mothers knee to be replaced by my brother and being told it was his place now. And so it was until she died fifteen years ago.

My mum it was more actions than words. Going off holidaying abroad with her new bf and leaving me and my dsis with her friend whom she knew I didn't like! Making me late for school everyday as she refused to hurry up- so embarrassing walking into registration late EVERYDAY!

Dad was def words (split from mum when I was 9). Ringing me up drunk and being verbally abusive. Once told my ex-bf that he must have a big problem if he was going out with me!

My dad use to ring me up to say he wishes he was dead, he would be better off dead and nobody would miss him. How he was going to commit suicide after he got off the phone. It started when I was 10.

My mum would leave me with my dad 5 days a week knowing he'd call me fat and only let me have a packet of crisp a day because I was fat and nobody loved fat people! She wouldn't even ring.

If I cried or got upset when I was small, from aged about three onwards my mum and my dad would chant "whiny, whiny Nicki, whiny, whiny Nicki" (insert real name) over and over again. I remember they got some friends they had round to do it as well, so I had a group of six adults chanting that at me and the more I cried, the more the laughed and did it.

I can remember how shocked and sad I was when they did it, so frustrated because they wouldn't let me explain why I was crying or tell them I had hurt myself, would just chant that at me. I stopped ever crying or saying anything really so they couldn't do that.

My father told me I was a harlot and a jezebel. Interestingly, he was the one sexually molesting me on a regular basis.

My mum had to be the centre of attention; everything had to revolve around her. She was lively and lots of fun, and when she was alive I didn't really realise just how destructive she was, as I loved her very much. It's only now, several years after her death that I can objectively see her true colours and quite honestly, she was wicked. She only ever wanted her 3 children to have a strong relationship with her and did everything possible to destroy the relationships between us. As a result we don't really have a relationship with each other now and that makes me very sad. How could a mother want her children to be enemies - the more we fell out with each other the more she loved it and encouraged it. At one point she said I had to choose between her and my husband! And she never wanted me to have children because that would have taken the spotlight away from her.

Other things she did (just some of many!)

• when I was in secondary school (don't remember whether it was primary as well) I used to have to take her tea and toast in bed before I went to school. She never ever got up to make me breakfast or see me off, even if I was going on a school trip, had exams etc.

• when my gran died when I was a teenager I was upset and crying (the first person close to me to die) she said 'I don't know why you're crying, she was my mother, she was only your grandmother!'

• I once drove several hundred miles through snow and bad weather to visit my parents for Christmas and when I got there she said 'I'm watching Coronation St but I'll have a cup of tea if you're putting the kettle on!'

• She constantly told me how much having children had ruined her life; she was much cleverer than I ever was, much prettier, had better legs!....I could go on and on.

Some of these things probably sound quite trivial but if you grow up never feeling loved and valued it has a tremendous impact.... I have never had the confidence that friends and colleagues have. But I try every day to improve that!

NickiFury that is just awful. Can't believe their friends would join in with it too. Heartbreaking to imagine doing that to a child.

Julius - my mother two told me that when my grandad died he wasn't my family he was hers. She didn't know why I was upset that he'd never meet his first great-grandchild (was 5 month pregnant at the time) because I was nothing at the time!

I remember when I was taking a break from cleaning my room (she had to clean my brothers) and she came in looked at me and said. "Id be better off slitting my wrist and killing myself then dealing with you!" Knowing id self harmed and tried to kill myself before.

She even called the police on me because there was a knife in my room and told them I was threatening her then left me in the house crying whilst she took my brother and sister shopping she brought them all stuff and I got nothing because I was a horrid child.

These are making me :(