i so want to make it work

[rosiedays]

I've nc for this as lots of mn friends.

I left dh on Monday. Just packed and left after he had gone to work. Left a note saying I'd reached my limit and couldn't take any more but that i wanted to try and work things out. I do want too. We're been together 7 years and have had great times and been through so much.

I left because his drinking and smoking weed is out of control and seriously affecting who he is. He's changed so much i don't recognise him anymore. He's horrible. On Saturday he got totally wasted in the garden and then went to the bedroom and fell asleep at 5pm didn't get up til 11on Sunday when he went back into the garden and got wasted again. It's disgusting and NOT how i want to live. We have a young baby.
I've spoken to him today and he's angry, really angry and making threats about calling the police re me abducting our dc. (Which i know technical i have)
I believe it's empty threats and he's just trying to scare me into coming back. He has been very verbal and emotionally abusive lately all drug and drink related.

How do i get him to see this is the problem? ??? We've been here before but long before dc was born.
My brain feels like spaghetti.
I will stand by him if he can stop drinking and weed. But don't know how to facilitate it.
He is in complete dental :(
Please some wise mn words. :(

I trust that his job doesn't involve him in any driving/operating machinery etc?

Just to reiterate, you can't abduct your own child.

What you can do is identify an adult who poses a safeguarding risk to them, and then remove them from that environment.

What do you actually think would happen if he contacted the police to report you, you know given that it'll be obvious to them that he's stoned and pissed and all that...?

His job doesn't involve operating anything more dangerous than a telephone, and the office culture is one of drinking and party's! !

I know the police would do nothing and all your words have reinforced that. He's just angry because I've stood up to him in the only way i had left. He's called again tonight and is at least now admitting that there is a problem and saying he will stop. I know he can stop as he has before. And I know that when he does he's a great person again.
I've had times in my life when I've been less than perfect and partied way to hard. I've done my share of drinking too much and smoked the odd joint.
The difference is now we have the baby to think about. It's been easy for me to leaveour old llifestyle behind, I'm breastfeeding so wouldn't dream of smoking or drinking (more than 1 glass of wine occasionally)
I'm not rushing back, and I'm not fooled by a few sweet words, a lot of damage has been done and he's got a lot of work to do.

I know he can stop as he has before.

He hasn't stopped before. He has paused and restarted, he's never actually attempted to get sober, has he? Committed to sobriety to improve his life?

That's what he needs to do now. First step is his GP, followed by AA and NA, or a drug and alcohol service. Unless he is this serious about dealing with his problem, it's just words.

Well that's something, rosie, although if he ever drives to or from work- and even if he doesn't - it's liable to catch up with him.

One thing I would say is that if his work is a culture of drinking and parties, a proper sign of good faith on his part ought surely to be changing jobs? That would be no place for an addict.