Head in the clouds...need to get real after affair

[IwishIfonly]

I have recently finished a short affair with lovely man...as obviously it was a bad thing to do to DP, myself and OM. I fell suddenly and dramatically in love with OM which had never happened to me before, I was always 'love is due to working hard at relationship' type. He provided love, sex, friendship, empathy...much of which was not available to me with DP (no sex or empathy increasingly little love of friendship). I was always open with DP about what was happening but there was still a fair bit of sneaking around and not full disclosure.

Subsequently, with kids and 15 years history I felt we should try counselling before I made a final yes/no decision on relationship with DP. DP is trying so hard to be a better partner but I cannot forget OM. I have never felt so strongly about anyone and it is hard to think about really committing back to DP, when he has never provided many things I need from relationship. OM has moved away and also I'm unsure of his intentions even if DP and I split.

Perspective on this anyone?

I think you're flogging a dead horse quite honestly. I think it's utter rubbish that you have 'try everything' and 'work hard at a relationship' if all you're doing is giving the other person false hopes and kicking the can down the road. Fifteen years and children doesn't turn a bad match into a good one. Be honest with your partner that it's over, make it a good split and then think about what kind of future you really want rather than settling.

I notice you say DP and not DH. I always have quiet reservations about long term couples who do not commit to marriage. (but that's another story).

You mention DP trying hard. Good for him, all marriages long term relationships need hard work. Why don't you try putting some real effort into your relationship too?

You may be surprised. The grass is rarely greener on the other side.

Leave your DP, he deserves so much better than what you have and are offering him.

He's trying hard and you're the one who shat all over him???

Seriously grow up, leave them both alone, neither sound suitable.

A good relationship is no effort...

'obviously it was a bad thing to do'

You have written this but i don't actually think that you believe a word of it. Your post reeks of entitlement, self pity, and blame of your DP.

I think if om was on the scene or had made his 'intentions' clearer you would have been off like a shot.

Frankly i think your current relationship is doomed. I feel somewhat confident that you will have another affair or kick your DP to the kerb within a couple of years. Poor him i say.