Advice on getting the love back.

[Murdermysteryreader]

My husband and I appear to be the perfect couple - we never argued etc. however I had a death in the immediate family last year and felt my husband was not v supportive. I became quite ill, and I put on at least a stone. My company at work caused some stress and job loses. I felt he had little interest in this. I realised that while life was peachy and I was a fun wife he was happy. I am much less of a fun person now. I also notice that he is selfish over little things. I now call him on it and this creates conflict. He has many good qualities but I feel sad about the state of our marriage and some anger I have towards him. How can we get the love back or is this the end.

Evidence of what?

With regards to how he's treating you, you simply tell him he either treats you with respect and equality or it's game over. He doesn't have your back OP, he's insulting you regularly by the sounds of it and you wonder why you resent him??? As for the sexy chat, I wouldn't trust him one iota, especially after what he's said to you.

Put him on edge for a change, tell him you're thinking of leaving him, not cos of his fucken weight but cos of his nasty attitude.

Thanks Jan. I meant I wondered if he had properly cheated. I have done as you say. He fails to engage just stonewalling and saying we've done enough washing our laundry in public (ha little does he know!) let's just move on. Refusing to discuss it. He actually hung up on me on the phone because I wanted to know exactly why he didn't fancy him. grrrr !

Thanks for this. How much things have changed . I posted this a little while ago wanting some tips on just improving the love. Now I agree with you. He won't answer the phone and is refusing to answer my texts. I think it is controlling behaviour to try and get me to back down. I have gone between sad and angry and I agree it looks over . god. I thought it was just a blip. He refuses to examine any awkward feelings which was half the issue when I was in shock about my sister. He is so selfish.

Poor you OP what an awful time you are having. Hard times definitely test your relationship, it does sound like he has been very selfish. It sounds like some space would do you some good. Hopefully he will see the error of his ways. Stay strong! p.s a stone is hardly loads of weight either, my weight constantly fluctuates between a stone! How petty of him to mention it!

Thanks for this. Bizarrely how he is acting now. - refusing to engage with the issue. Saying he 'can't cope with an emotional conversation' is exactly how he acted after my sister's death. Let's just avoid it, be passive aggressive so she shuts up. Thanks for all the support. Although I am so so hurt - I know nothing will ever be as bad as my sister's death and although I have a rocky road ahead I will survive!

He sounds very emotionally immature. I never really get why so many men find it difficult to show empathy or support when the going gets tough. If I were you, i would wait now, have some space and discuss this hopefully when he has gained some perspective. Good luck OP and stay strong x

Thanks for all the support. I would think it was me going mad otherwise.

Op you found out the hard way that there are fair weather friends and also fair weather husbands I'm afraid.

If your DH can't see past a bit of weight (at size 14 I don't buy that it's your health he's bothered about, or he surely would have tried to talk about it to you in a much more supportive way) or support you emotionally when you need it then it's him with the problem, not you.

He sounds very shallow. A bit like my teachers husband who left her for a young pretty something because she had put on a bit of weight and was bringing him down ( her mother had just died)

Nice men aren't like this. Dp never treated me differently, even when I at one point went up to elephant proportions

Find a nice one who loves you for you, not for how sexy/ happy you look on their arm.

Thanks for this. I think I will steel myself to separate for him. My father will be devastated as they are close. I am worth more than this.

Just wait OP, once he realises that his stonewalling isn't going to work and you are not backing down this time you might find he is more willing to talk about things and will take you seriously.

I have found out that he secretly invited her to a sporting activity with him. She declined because she couldn't make it. It was a weekend when I was on a friend's hen night and a woman (I knew nothing of her presence before I found his teasing emails to her) had been invited by him to something I knew nothing about:
Tell me what you make of this. When I went ballistic over the emails he said they were banter between friends and I was paranoid tell me what you make if this! Btw he has locked his phone now. I don't think any thing has happened between them but tell me husband's should not be in inviting women (that their wife know nothing about) to events .

You don't need others to tell you what husbands should and shouldn't do. I don't know if you ever saw the sit-com 'Allo Allo' but the main character, constantly caught by his wife in the act of snogging another woman, would respond with an exasperated 'You stupid woman!' followed with some ridiculous excuse... Don't be that wife.

Set your own standard for acceptable & unacceptable behaviour, go with your judgement and act accordingly. Don't waste time on someone you can't trust.

You are so right. I've always been a strong woman and this has knocked me for six. You will see I originally posted about wanting to recapture love and then I started to find out things. I am so hurt. I don't think they've done anything, but what kills is that clearly he's really into. Enough is enough!