I am going to fuck up every relationship I have aren't I?

[Failureinlife]

I have been in 2 relationships in my life.

One that lasted 3 years; he left me.

The latest one lasted 2 years.

I get insanely jealous when I am in a relationship and I cannot help how I feel, I know I am horrendous, I know that my requests are ridiculous and I know that I am being completely unreasonable but I cannot help myself, no matter what I do!

What is wrong with me?!

Them looking at women, talking to women, thinking about women or god forbid watching TV with a woman on the screen sends me into hysterical sobs as I cannot cope.

They stopped, stared at floors but tolerated my requests for a couple of years and then left, I do not blame them at all!

What is wrong with me?!

Why do I do this?!

I've lost everything that was good to me, I knew that eventually this would happen and I tried to bury my feelings but I couldn't do it.

I've fucked up everything and I am left with nothing, I deserve this. I did try to suppress my feelings but I couldn't do it whilst knowing what I was doing was wrong.

I'm going to die alone aren't I?

When did the last relationship end? you sound very raw.

Do you have any clues about where your jealousy comes from?

It ended a month ago.

I have absolutely no idea why I feel like this.

It sounds like such a big and central part of your relationships, I think you need to try to work out why you feel this way. I'm in my early 30s and still fucking up relationships, over the years I've pieced together understanding, sometimes incrementally, sometimes in big leaps, about what my emotional reactions are really about. For me, it's that I'll flip out over quite inconsequential things, so I've had to work out the subtext of the conversation - what is really going on for me in x situation. What am I really trying to say?

The jealousy that you describe is extreme, I'm a big believer that these things have a root cause. Once you understand what's going on, you can go about meeting your needs in a more functional way. Or sometimes it's about untangling your thinking.

Do you have the time and money to meet with a counsellor?

With that kind of attitude you will…is counseling not an option? what you're doing now isn't working so maybe thats a push in the right direction?

Counselling needed!

Did your DF or DM have affairs? comment on other girls or women? Do you have any siblings and if so what kind of relationship do you have with them?

It depends on how much it would be for counselling as to whether I can afford it or not.

I've been raped and I have never had a close relationships with my parents but the rape was after my first relationship and I was like this then so I have no idea why, I cannot help it though.

I am going to fuck up every relationship I have aren't I?

No you are not going to. But if you do not reflect, and if you do not learn the lesson and sometimes ponder back to what happened and why, then you will indeed make the same mistakes again and again in a habit. You may feel bad now, and this is okay, because you have just broken up with somebody, and it can be raw, and your emotions can be up and down too. I would just try and cruise through this period. Be gentle with yourself. Just continue to do what you do each day and get through it now. You may feel anger, and you may feel self blame, but listen to that little tiny voice and gut instincts which will occur. That is exactly the reason by your rule why it fell apart. Focus and listen to your heart more and more. Even when something that you see each day and "ahhing" over.

Like my ex, he told me he wanted babies, and he told me that he saw on a bus whereby he saw the young child was quite scared, the parents and the sibling started to sing. He felt very warm when seeing that scene, and he told me this. I know that secretly he wants this for himself too. So, listen to yourself, and your heart, and remember your goals/dreams. The kind of guy that you want etc. The kind of person the guy that you dated were. Did you know them, and why they are ? Then you will know where you are as a person too. I personally cannot be close to someone that I cannot trust, and who doesn't know me, and see me for me. It's a connection thing. In a very close relationship, you should not suppress yourself at all ! If you had to, then you have to find out for yourself, who told you this and where did you learn to do this to begin with ? If you do not tell your partner how you feel, then where does intimacies come from ????

Please go to your GP and ask about the possibility of counselling. Don't hold back on how badly it has and will affect your life, and the life of anyone in a relationship with you. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Ok, I re-read your post. You need to go for counselling for the rape. Because it affects how you approach guys and boundaries and memories as well.

OP I don't think that because the rape came after your first relationship it is to be dismissed. Massive oversimplification, but traumatic experiences can reinforce our behaviour, even push it to new extremes, because we behave as we do to protect ourselves, and trauma deepens those needs, and amplifies our fears.

It sounds as though you have had a difficult time - with your parents, who are your primary attachment bond (and so a healthy attachment there would mitigate against later feelings of insecurity) and the rape.

There are counselling services where you pay based on what you can afford. Relate would be a good place to start.
www.relate.org.uk/

And the other thing is, even if you choose counselling, find a method whether it is NLP or whether it is Lindenmethod, they are designed to rewrite the memory and how you associate to those past traumas. At the moment, you may feel that you can never move on, but you can. You need to try for these specific kind of counselling, and then after that, it will enable you to not associate things that way any more.

Failure the short answer is no. If you decide you want a long term relationship, for not everybody does, then you have every chance of being happy in a relationship. But it will take work, as it does for most people.