Should my friend have alarm bells (online dating)

[boxofshells]

So a friend was telling me and dh about someone she's met online. They've not met up yet, just chatting by email. Dh thought he sounds great. I had massive warning bells. Tell me what you think please.

(I don't want to put friend off or worry her, especially because this is her first foray into dating post divorce a few years ago).

(Also obv I've not seen the emails so can only go on what she has told me)

Basically he sounds amazing. Same interests, interesting job, funny, friendly, respectful etc. They've been emailing for a week but when she is busy and sends a short one he asks why it's short. She thought he was joking and said something about being a busy lady and he just said get back in touch when you have time to give me proper attention.

So hard for me to get across what it sounded like but I thought he sounded demanding already especially as they've not met yet. Like he'll be overbearing and not wanting her to have other things in her life. This is what her ex was like.

I just feel when you get a warning bell you should listen to it. And she obv is a little concerned to have even mentioned it to us.

Am I being overprotective?

No, that sounds worrying. Personally I wouldn't meet him if I were her. Difficult as her friend to actually do much other than be there for her, but I would see if you can get her to talk more about it and take it from there/ see if she'll listen to your concerns.

"give me proper attention?"

she should run like the wind.

The knob alarm is flashing here to.

You are being protective, rather than overprotective and to be honest, you're allowed to be (I am too with my friend online dating) - especially if she's had a difficult break up.

It may have been in a joking context, resplendent with ;) and :D but her having to account for her lifestyle because he is seeking attention is not great. That said, he may have assumed she was talking/dating other men; although I think that is the point of dating sites and asking for exclusivity in early days of chatting is a big no no (and never ends well), some people find it off putting. Even then, asking for "proper attention" is a bit contrived considering dating sites are designed to be a meeting place for a variety of people.

Run awayyyy!

I would suddenly become permanently busy in your friends shoes. He sound like an overgrown toddler 'give me all of your attention!
Eww.

Hmmmm, this is the kind of thing my OH might have written in a text at the beginning of out courtship, but with a nerdy wink afterwards...... (And he's not an abusive psycho, yet)...... But it could be taken as a bit of a strange and worrying comment, depends on the context. I would encourage her to talk about this new man (shouldn't be difficult as it sounds like she's smitten) and just keep an ear out for anything else odd. If he's a wrong-un, she'll find out soon enough.

If some guy I was casually chatting to said that to me he would get dropped like a hot brick asap. Sooo petulant and whiny, jeez fuck that!

bloody huge alarm bells!!

He sounds like a total catch....NOT!

Tell her to keep looking but this charmer needs a very very wide berth.

As a veteran of online dating (!!), I'd say you're not overprotective at all.

Even if it was a joke it's still too much, really - there should be no sense of obligation whatsoever at this stage. They haven't even met yet!

I'd block. It's not that life's too short to bother with possible-twats, it's that it's too long...

Her spidey-sense doesn't seem to be working which is surprising given what you've said about her history.

I'd have dropped all contact by now. After a week! He sounds petulant and childish at best.

tell her to run very fast. I've had similar before with OLD, one guy literally wanted to have email conversations all day when we'd not even met up yet. Would get sulky if I said I had stuff to do (i.e work) and bombard me with contact even when I'd said I was out/working/sleeping etc! eventually had to tell him to forget the date as it was all too much too soon. He had a major hissy fit, concluding that "this could have been so special, I think we'd have had a wonderful, intense relationship but YOU ruined it"
Bullet dodged methinks!