How do we get more adventurous in the bedroom?

[needtoloosenup]

I only had sex with 1 other man prior to dh and he suffered with premature ejaculation. Dh also had issues in previous relationships with a bit of performance anxiety leading to loosing his erections. Sounds like a recipe for disaster I know. However, he has overcome this with me and we do have a good sex life. But when we try anything new the issues come back a bit and he can loose his erection which i find quite off putting so tend to stick to what we know works iyswim.
We have a brilliant relationship otherwise. I fancy him a lot and I know he fancies me as he gets an erection when I am getting dressed in the morning, when we kiss etc. He treats me with respect and enjoy being together.

Do you need to try anything "new" if you have a good sex life?

We tend always to do it the same way with him on top and fairly limited foreplay. Last night I gave him a blowjob but as soon as he was hard he wanted to have sex as he was worried about loosing his erection which he then did. It was all fine in the end but stilts things a bit and puts me off trying anything different.

I think the answer to your problem is going to be summed up as 'evolution, not revolution' i.e. carry on doing what you're doing and what makes you both feel comfortable and relaxed, but then try out small changes that feel like a natural progression as and when everyone's in the right frame of mind.

Just read your second post. Dodging foreplay has very little to do with anxiety. Foreplay should be a sensual experience where both of you are getting a lot of pleasure. If he's trying to skip that part & get straight on to 'wham bam thank you ma'am' that would be selfish.

Have you ever had a conversation about how there are more ways to have sex than 'PIV'? I'd have thought someone with a dodgy 'P' and a weak finish should make foreplay his specialist subject.

Thanks for the replies. I don't think he is meaning to be selfish. I think he gets an erection then worries he is going to loose it so wants to proceed to the actual sex which he is confident with. I am sure he would do anything I asked but i want to do things to him without him worrying about his erection.

If you have the conversation about non-PIV sex (which is 'actual sex' of course) then erection worries go out of the window.... no P required.

But that's the thing. What if he loses his erection? Can he get it back later?
Can he still enjoy the experience?
Can you still enjoy it can he give you an orgasm?

Somehow the anxiety about losing his erection must be resolved if you want to do different things. You can just do things because you enjoy them, without necessarily having the pressure of completing the deed intra-vaginally.

Hi there. He can get his erection back and enjoy the sex and I can still have an orgasm as I don't take it personally. Do you think I should tell him i want to give him bj until he cums so he doesn't have to worry about penetration? Then when he is confident with that try something else?

It sounds good. :)
If you are happy not to have PIV, can reach orgasm without it, or just go without an orgasm here and there.

I should define 'selfish' in sexual terms. Doesn't necessarily mean someone is being malicious or unpleasant, but it does mean that they are focusing solely on their own orgasm at the expense of the pleasure of their sexual partner. Now his reasons for doing so - anxiety about maintaining an erection - are plausible but he could benefit from trying to be a sexually unselfish lover for a while instead.

Agree with comments about PIV. How about a vibrator? Chose something together - laugh at the different options and how alarming some of them appear to be. He can use it on you, and you can use it on him. C**k rings may also be worth a look as they may help him retain an erection too.
Toys aside, maybe get him to tell you one of his sexual fantasies while you give him the BJ and tell him he is not allowed to cum until in real life until he cums in his fantasy story. Then reverse it the next night.
Have fun!

Try seeing how much fun you can both have without PIV even being a question? Takes the worry of losing his erection out of the equation and allows you both to explore and enjoy yourselves in new ways.

I dont think he thinks he is focusing on his orgasm alone as he knows I always have orgasms when we have penetrative sex and i think they are his main focus. He always waits until i have had orgasms before he has one. He is very good at penetrative sex but not at the bit before. I think he thinks i am totally happy with how things are as he knows i am happy with penetrative sex. I have not said too much about the bit before because i don't want to make him anxious and ruin what is good. It is very confusing.

Sorry I x posted with Trapper and Norest.

You always have orgasms from penentrative sex. With the greatest respect what more do you want. Not every women can say that. If it's not broke don't fix it. Me and D.P only have sex with him on top and he 99.9 times reaches the spot several times. xxx