Sibling Success ... and Cooing Mother!!!!

[Spotsofa]

Just a rant really - I consider myself reasonably successful ie job, house, lovely children, partner, car, money etc BUT I have an older brother who has what I have x10. I'm glad of his success (both in our 50's).

Doesn't live close by and we speak rarely (we haven't fallen out).

However, my Mum is CONSTANTLY telling me what he's got, what he's bought (... another house ...), his promotion, his holidays ... you get my drift - if he rings her with news she's straight on the phone to me.

He rarely visits my elderly mother, doesn't help out with anything at all - I'm the one who lives close by to her and does everything for her (shopping, taking to appointments, gardening, cleaning etc) and yet the sun shines out of his backside if he rings her - its like she's had a call from the queen!!!!!

She's quiet a negative and depressed person so I just listen but she makes me feel like l've achieved nothing compared to her darling son!

How can I switch off ???? Anyone else experienced this and how did you manage??? Thanks.

Do you know what she tells him about you?

Sounds very familiar. My brother is the prodigal son too!

It's a boy thing. I don't know why some mothers find them so much more remarkable than their sisters, but she probably always has.

He's on a pedestal, I would just detach emotionally, and feel a bit sorry for her that she puts a person on a pedestal who doesn't really bother with her much.

Maybe she's bigging him up as he shows previous little interest in her. It could be her way of coping with his absence, I.e. By talking about him and his successes.

My DH always though his DS was the favourite, then he found out she thought he was the favourite!

Hmmm...the boy thing sounds familiar.

I have heard my mother refer to her adoration of my brother more than once as " a mother-son thing"

Bloody glad I have 2 dds myself and therefore no way of repeating this crap.

God do I know what this is like!

My brother was a bit of a shit and addicted to crack. When he finally got clean, EVERYTHING he did was celebrated as if it were the second fucking coming. He made dinner? Second coming? Socks for Christmas? Second coming. Remembered a birthday? Sainthood.

He then relapsed and overdosed- so now he is celebrated EVEN MORE?!?? Anything funny happens? It's my brother, making us laugh from his grave.

My advice: stop looking to them for validation. It won't come!

I thought this with my sister. Everything she did was better than me, every issue she had was harder than mine and so on ad finitum.

I mentioned it to my sister, and guess what, she had experienced the same thing in reverse. So basically DM had been bigging up both our issues and achievements to each of us, and annoying each of us in turn.

It's quite funny now, she does not realise she is doing it, means nothing by it, and actually it shows she feels for us both equally.

Hope you find something similar.

*infinitum

Ah, not alone then!!!

Thanks for the responses, some of which I'd never thought of (ibelieve) but make sense.

Not too sure what she says about me to him - I'm sure it can't be that exciting, I'll have to enquire

I'll try and stay detached and count my own blessings x

My mum and dad talk non stop about my Dsis and her dc's when I'm with them...then I found out they talk non stop about me and my dc's when they're with her!!!!!!!

We have the same thing in reverse. DSIL can do no wrong (despite her still living at home at the age of 27 with no job, nor any inclination to get one despite her two uni degrees) and DH is got at and criticised for everything he does. Makes my blood boil!

"Not too sure what she says about me to him - I'm sure it can't be that exciting, I'll have to enquire "

Bet it's much the same, in terms of amount and rapidity.

Maybe because he isn't really close to her, this is her way of hiding her pain, even from herself. Talking and bragging is all she has, as he is absent from her life.

I do lots for my mum, see her regularly, invite her out etc.
My brother is a total shit but when he turns up and talks about himself for the entire visit it's the highlight of her year/month whatever!!
The more you do the more it's expected but if he actually remembers it's her birthday or Mother's Day then it's like she's had a telegram from the bloody Queen.
Oops, sorry I let the bitterness through there - and breathe !!!

I knew a widow who lost no opportunity to big up her DS as an echo of her late DH. Her DDs put up with the fan worship because their DB was a lovely person who was embarrassed by it.

OP it is understandable why this is hurtful. I don't have any suggestions for dealing with it but agree with others she has him on a pedestal. Rather sadly, her eagerness to update and delight in his triumphs is her way of persuading herself she is in the loop, he deigns to share news so you must hear of it and she can feel involved. Otherwise she would be unhappy to not hear from him and feel deserted.

My mum talks about my dbro and dsis to me (and me to them) as she worries we don't stay in touch with each other enough and wants us to be close (we are geographically distant).

Think we have all inherited my dads approach to family - there if required but no need to check in repeatedly. My mum, I think, views herself as the link holding us all together.