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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

May as well be single.

35 replies

TheMumsRush · 01/06/2014 20:34

Just ranting. Sat on my own, DH in bedroom (as we've had another row). I'm on my own all week. I looks forward to dh's company but he says he needs time away from ds and I. I was on my own most of yesterday, we had an ok evening after I got ds to bed. And now I'm in my own all day today. Then it's Monday and all work again (obv) and then it's contact weekend. Fucked off is all.

OP posts:

Alwaysbuybigpants · 02/06/2014 17:54

I'm not surprised you needed a bit of a rant, you're living with a complete twat. Call me old fashioned, but I like to get through the day without the man I have chosen to be father of my children calling me a cunt. And just for the record, a coffee isn't a relationship mender, it's a hot beverage.
You need to have a good long chat with him about how you two are going to carry on with the rest of your lives, for your sons sake as much as yours. You've said he's been described as being "a bit difficult" ...... Do you think this has anything to do with the fact that Daddy seems to hate Mummy? Arguments are normal, but this sounds awful. Sometimes it's better to be apart and happy, rather than flog your way through a life of misery because of some out dated theory that "it's better for the children". I hope you sort him out, or find someone nice.

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 04/06/2014 00:32

Thanks for all the responses, it must be very frustrating looking from the outside in, thinks aren't so black and white. There is loads more but I don't have the time so I understand you can only go on what I say in this thread. I love my husband. I'm not perfect we have other issues also. Many thanks for your responses

OP posts:

unrealhousewife · 04/06/2014 09:40

This is not a loving relationship. Your children will resent you for this when they are older.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 04/06/2014 09:44

Here comes the denial and minimising...
He's horrible and abusive. Good luck, you need it.

hellsbellsmelons · 04/06/2014 09:57

I'm sure there are many more issues.
If my OH called me a cunt in anger I would be kicking his arse out the door.
Maybe make of list of his good points and bad points.
Keep a diary of when he is nasty to you and see if there is a pattern.
You know this isn't right or you would not have posted.
Time to take a long hard look at your relationship and what you actually get out of it now.

SelectAUserName · 04/06/2014 09:57

OP, there is a big difference between "not being perfect" (who is?) and "being disrespectful, rude, permanently bad-tempered and verbally and emotionally abusive".

I've been with my DH for over 20 years and he has never, ever, not once, called me a cunt or anything remotely similar. Ditto me to him. I can't imagine feeling the level of venom and dislike you must need to throw that type of insult and mean it at another person, and then still want to be with that person afterwards.

He's telling you what he really thinks of you every time he says it and you think that's fair enough in exchange for the odd cup of coffee?

weatherall · 04/06/2014 10:06

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this.

It is an abusive situation.

DS growing up in that atmosphere isn't good.

I think you know what you need to do.

I hope you get enough support both here and irl.

Tellanovella · 04/06/2014 14:46

You will become a PULVARIZED human being in this relationship.

How are you numbing the pain? Overeating, under eating, drinking, popping pills, OCD. You said you felt like hurting yourself. You must feel down. I'm sorry you are not at the end of your tether yet. But you will be eventually.

I'm guessing from your admission that you are not perfect he has done a good job of shaming you and making you feel guilt about things in the relationship. These types of men are experts at that. Do not listen to it, you do not deserve this treatment. If you snap sometimes it's understandable, you are probably goaded a lot.

There will come a time when you will be unable to live in denial anymore. Maybe you feel trapped, but there are other options.

I hope you come to realise that there is a better life out there for you and you deserve it. Good luck to you and your little one.

Jan45 · 04/06/2014 15:03

Typical example of a dysfunctional relationship with the OP now back tracking and maintaining she loves him - perhaps she does, still doesn't change the fact that the relationship doesn't work, pity the kids seeing that. What a sad life.

unrealhousewife · 04/06/2014 15:21

You say you're not perfect - if there is a problem you have, such as mental health issues, or an abusive past, or a criminal record - if he is threatening to expose these things in order to keep you in your place, to control you, it is emotional abuse. Please seek help.

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