How to deal with seeing my ex

[DollyRocker1]

It's been 3 months since I broke up with my ex. I'm generally doing ok. Have thrown myself into work and booked a holiday.

I was friends with my ex before we started dating as we met through a social and activity group. I went 2 months without seeing him but then had to face him at a wedding reception a couple of weekends ago and was then cut up for a couple of days after.

Yesterday was his birthday so I sent him a card and then burst into tears when he texted me to thank me. I knew I'd be upset about not spending his birthday with him so I planned a full day yesterday with a lunch and walk in woodland with my best friend and went to a barn dance with my mum in the evening.

Normally I know that people try to cut out and avoid the ex. The trouble I have is that we share many of the same friends and I don't want to lose these friends and stop doing the adventure activities I love just to avoid coming into contact with my ex.

How can I get him out of my system for good and feel nothing when I see him?

Why did you broke up?

The only way is time dolly - as cliched as that sounds.

You are doing all the right things in filling your time, spending it with people you love and who love you, keep planning things. I write everything on my calendar and it is full, it helps.

I found the 3 month stage almost surreal. The intense pain has eased a bit and they no longer consume every second of your thoughts but you have a sudden realisation of the loss.

You are doing well, it will get easier. I didn't believe that when I was told but 9 months on, it is easier.

Oh and cry when you need to. Don't hold back your emotions, it is part of the healing.

Dolly, sorry to hijack your thread a bit, I'd love a bit of advice on the same issue, except I have to see my ex basically every day at work in really close contact. It's horrific. I'm guessing only time will do it, but how do you get over someone when you see them every day? Even worse, mine keeps following me around and trying to be my best friend....totally sympathise with how you feel about feeling cut up

I think it is the passing of time that makes it easier but widening your social circle (by) and getting into a sport (running?) Will make you feel better able to gain perspective. Hope you feel better soon. It sounds like a horrible situation but at some point you'll look back on it as a distant memory.

Lweji - he dumped me because in his opinion I don't like going far out of my comfort zone and it seems to have been a major issue for him.

One of the reasons I'm struggling is because of how he's treated me during the break up and since. He treats me like a small child / invalid ( for instance he didn't think i'd 'cope' with Glastonbury which I find insulting and now I'm gutted I'm not going as I had been looking forward to it since October) I don't know what has given him the impression that I'm weak when this is not how my family and close friends see me and it's got me into a tailspin analysing my behaviour. Is there a reason why someone would belittle someone this way or is he just trying to find a justification for the break up? What I find odd is that in reality he is no more outgoing/adventurous than me.

My ex also wants to stay my friend which is tricky as I don't want to hold any bitterness towards him but I think it'll be the best part of a year before I can see him in a different light (we were together 2 years)

Rose flowers - totally sympathise with you. Must be so hard seeing him every day. Can you change your hours a bit to avoid seeing him at lunch etc?

Why aren't you going? If you were looking forward to it then surely you can find somebody to go with.

Gamerchick, my boyfriend bought tickets for me and his family last October. So he got a refund in April on my ticket. I wouldn't have wanted to go solo and it's so hard to get tickets in the first place.

Sometimes it isn't possible for friendship especially in the early days after a breakup. Actually I think he's asking a lot of you and it isn't really his call whether you are his friend right now.

Treats you like an invalid? That would piss me right off.