Loving someone more than they love you

[snowballing]

I have been struggling with this for several months now. DP and I used to be fairly equal in how we said we felt about each other and how we expressed it. But recently DP has been struggling with depression and has said things like "I love you but I don't know if I love you enough" "I think you feel more strongly about me than I do about you" etc.

I know he loves me, but I was hurt by the huge contrast between how he used to be and how he is now.

I found this article and, although I would always be slightly sceptical of anyone who calls themselves 'Toronto's Number 1 Date Doctor', a lot of it rang true.

So just thought I would post it for anyone who might be feeling the same as me. It's helped me recognise that I'm probably overreacting a bit and not helping the situation, and that while we still love each other and enjoy our time together, our relationship is not the disaster I thought it was!

Hope someone might get some use from it.

"I love you, but .........."
A self-respecting person would find that utterly humiliating and kick the wimp into touch.
Stop trying to convince yourself, it really is not fine.
Honestly you are worth much much more x

Really quite shocked by the responses - guess I've been reading things all wrong. Genuinely posted because after a rough few months things seemed better - I didn't feel like I was trying to convince myself but perhaps I am.

From a different perspective - my DH was a devoted husband and father until depression hit a year ago. At his worst he told me he didn't love me anymore (whilst I was pregnant). He is finally working on his recovery and things are improving. We've been together for a long time and have two children and are still together. I don't know what the long term future holds anymore but I do know how awful it feels to be on the other side of your partner changing like that, and deciding to stay for the short term at least to see if things improve. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I think that peoples' love for each other can be a bit like a pendulum. Swinging in and out [rather than up and down like a see saw. Though actually it might be the same thing?].

It's hard to say when you put 'etc' in your initial post. Someone saying "I love you but I'm finding it really hard right now and I'm not sure I'm loving you enough" or "I think you're giving more to this relationship than I am": COULD be an admittance of how heavily burdened they are by their mental illness and an apologetic awareness that they're not giving their partner what they deserve. But just saying, "i love you but not enough" and "I think you feel more strongly about me than I do about you" is basically just a cowardly way of half-dumping someone while you actively look for someone else. If you don't have any kids and you love each other and you don't even live together I'm not sure why he would be bothering saying any of those things except, as the book cruelly but truthfully says, he's just not that into you.

As a depressive myself I would suggest that he is offering you an out in the hope that you refuse it and tell him it's all ok. When I am at my lowest I want someone to tell me that its all ok and they will take charge. I may be wrong of course but deep depression is utter helplessness and hopelessness. Of course you may well find this utterly unattractive as of course it is and decide to walk away.