It's not going to work is it?

[Fairydust7715]

I am a long time lurker but never posted before but need some outside perspective on this situation.
Back story is i was married for 18yrs, 2dc, fell out of love, still have a fantastic relationship even though we have been apart for 6yrs now.

Met my ex bf 3yrs ago who turned out to be extremely physically abusive, the last assault I ended up in hospital for 2 weeks and decided at that point that he could very well end up killing me, I ended it and for the last year have been single and been to hell and back trying to recover and get myself back to being the person I was before becoming involved with him.

Now 4 months ago I started chatting with a man online, met on a pen pal site, I wasn't looking for anything more than friendship.
We met up after about a month and hit it off immediately, he knows nothing about my past abusive relationship but also knew that I didn't want anything serious. Since then we have been seeing each other a couple of times a week, going out for a drink, meal, cinema etc but also sleeping with each other which we both wanted.

Now here's the problem, he is 10 years younger than me, not a major problem apart from having chatted a lot he has always talked about having children in the future ( he has none). Mine are 12 and 14 and due to complications with my last pregnancy and my health issues I was sterilised.

Last weekend he was very quiet and not his normal self so Sunday morning whilst we were laying in bed chatting I asked him why he was so quiet, he tells me he is falling in love with me, that I mean the world to him and he wants more than the casual relationship that we have.
It was at that point that I realised I felt exactly the same way, I have been so guarded with everything I went through with my ex that I didn't believe that anyone would want me in that way again.

All I can see now is that I have to walk away from him simply because I can't give him the children he wants, I don't want to do this because he is so wonderful and has made me see that not all men hurt you but there really is no other option is there?

There are always other options. From the way you have described this relationship it seems to me that it deserves a thorough and loving discussion about the children issue. Four months isn't that long though I'm not doubting the intense sincerity of your feelings.

He may well decide that he wants you more than a child, he may not even want a child, you might decide to adopt a baby ... I don't know ... what matters is that you two cuddle up and TALK about the life you want together!

Thank you, I do realise it's very early days and we haven't had a real deep conversation about things, I guess I just can't believe the way I am feeling about him after vowing to being single forever.
It's come as a complete shock really as on paper he is the total opposite to what I thought was my type but he makes me smile just thinking about him.
I also don't want to scare him off telling him about my ex even though I have not heard from him in a year now, but I am so embarrassed that I was in that situation.

Instead of worrying about what might not work I recommend, for now, thinking only about what will/does work. Enjoy the sweep of emotion and joy, share only what you wish to and what makes you happy. No need even to unpack the past yet, I'd have thought? Just enjoy with & !!

He knows that I have been sterilised as I did mention it when we had a brief discussion on family and kids, the thing is that although the sterilisation was due to medical reasons I actually don't want anymore kids, my two are my life but as they are now older I don't want to go back to having babies again, I am due to start uni in October and by the time I finish that I will be close to 40.
I wouldn't ever want him to deny himself the chance to be a father and that's why I am probably thinking its best to walk away now, just the thought of doing that makes me feel sick.