Are the weekends always this hard or does it get easier ?

[trappedinsuburbia]

Ex moved out last year but we were still seeing each other every day until a few weeks ago when I decided I couldn't have him back (drink problems) and couldn't live this half life either, together with alternating between so angry or worrying about him.

I manage during the week being busy with work and the dc, ferrying the eldest to his different clubs in the evening, catching up on housework etc.

I am really struggling at the weekends though, I feel so alone yet don't feel I can tolerate chit chat with another adult yet except him. Is this normal?

Ive kept busy today with the dc in the lovely weather and they had a ball, but I feel so empty all of the time and miss him so much, its not like we actually done family stuff anyway as he was either drunk or too hungover.

Does this part pass, im not depressed but feel very sad at how things have turned out, it would be so easy to go back to him which is what he wants, but back to what, the drinking and the lying about drinking !

It's still incredibly early days. Of course you are feeling sad about the way things turned out. It does get so much easier, but you just need to give it a bit of time. In a few months you probably won't recognise the happy person you've become. Well done for giving your dc such a nice day out.

If you've ever had a bad tooth removed, you're conscious of the gap for a long time. Doesn't mean you want the tooth back... :) Even if you don't feel like it, get going on building a social life for yourself. Nothing worse than slipping back into old habits just because you don't feel you have options

Thanks, we were just in the back garden but we nipped out in the morning to get some new garden games and a mini paddling pool for the baby, neighbours kids popped round as well so they really enjoyed it.
I feel like the dc being happy should be enough ...... BUT !! still feel empty and sad. Gah, I have 2 beautiful dc, a job I love, a lovely home for them, but theres always that but ! I think its loneliness.

Thanks cog, unfortunately a social life is not an option at the moment, I have literally no one to watch the dc, my paid childcare is mon to fri only.

It is VERY early days for you. It will get easier. It may not be quick, but you will find it gets better. I found it helped to make plans in advance.

I try to do that Spero, I need small things to look forward to, even if just sandwiches in the park with dc and a football, weather permitting of course, or a film and making microwave popcorn for it. Just the ever present feeling of sadness throughout it all.
Im glad to hear it will get better, I guess its like smoking, I stopped a year ago this month, I still get cravings but I know it would be complete idiocy to act on it after coming this far.

It sounds like you are doing brilliantly - and that you are a lovely mum. In my experience, the sadness starts to get less frequent, until eventually you don't feel it AT ALL. I mean, obviously I have regrets like anybody else, but I certainly don't feel sadness about XP.

Doing things with friends with DC is a great comfort, I found. Have you got something fun planned for tomorrow?

Well weather up here not to be so great, me and ds (he loves helping) are going to finish stripping spare room for the baby. There's always lots of little things to do, I just need to keep going instead of lying in bed staring at the ceiling which is exactly what I would do if dc were not here.

Good for you. Make sure you all have a nice treat like going to the corner shop for an ice cream, or snuggling up together on the sofa to watch a programme together.

Or do something that your XP would have hated.

I find sticking on some loud music and having a bop around together can lift the spirits too. Hope you have a good day.

Know that this is normal and it will pass but I won't lie to you and say it will pass quickly as it may not. But grief isn't linear, you may go forward and backwards, sometimes in the same day. But even if you never 'get over' stuff you will get better at living along side it.

I still have moments of sadness but they are only moments, unlike the relentless days of sadness when the grief was still very new. I remember weekends as a very difficult time too - no distractions from work and everyone else seemingly living perfect and happy lives.

Crap of course, everyone else is struggling with their own problems and I see that now.

Its hard. But there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep on keeping on, the only way out is through, etc, etc.

Thank you, I hate ice cream lol.
Loud music and bopping are exactly what me and dc love and what ex hated.
I know I am isolating myself at the moment, I know there are friends who would hold my hand through this, but it feels so sad I don't want to be with anothet adult and actually talk about it just now, I cant deal with that, I think I'd cry and never stop, is that normal as well ?
I know I'll be able to talk once the pain lessens, but it may be a while.

Thank you spero

And you justalittlebitlost.

I'm guessing that you've 'spent' a lot of yourself in trying to keep things going over the years, trapped. You need to recharge those inner batteries and as you do, the loneliness and pain should lessen.

Don't try to rush it - good books, good movies, some treats and lots of time with the kids. That should do it - even if only gradually. (And if you suddenly feel despairing, come on here and moan!)

Yes I think all of me went into my relationship and I feel that the dc suffered for it, the difference in my eldest now that ex has not been living here for almost a year is amazing and I feel so ashamed of myself for that. He still has a good relationship with ex, but he has far more of me.

Don't quite understand why your childcare is restricted.... can't you pay someone to babysit at other times?

Can you not ask a neighbour to babysit for you? You had their kids round this afternoon to play. Could they not return the favour? If only for a couple of hours to meet a friend?

Hi. I found it took me six months to get back to a new and wiser me. It has been painful though. Many tears shed, much regret, feelings of wanting to get in touch.........all fading away. Peace of mind returning. I am taking at least a year out from thinking of relationships.

You can do it. Good luck. :)

Agree with the others, it gets easier. It's a big change, and it takes time. Have low expectations, be kind to yourself and if possible plan one or two nice things for weekends ahead, no matter how small. 6 months, one year from now, it will start feeling different and better. Also MN when you need to as others have said