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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me!

4 replies

Givemethewords · 31/05/2014 21:29

I have fallen for a guy (see my other thread) but my anxiety and low self esteem is making me do too much chasing and wanting too much reassurance that is going to frighten him off. How can I stop myself being too keen? I want him to do the chasing and to seduce me but I can't help myself texting him and then feel devastated when he doesn't reply. I feel such a mess over this.

OP posts:
cantbelievethisishppening · 31/05/2014 21:35

Only you can stop yourself texting him. If you feel you are going to text him read your post again. Low self esteem and anxiety will make dating a minefield. Have you thought about getting help to address these?

Original poster
Givemethewords · 31/05/2014 21:42

Am having CBT but struggling to stop feeling anxious and panicky every time I think of him. He said he would text me yesterday after telling me he wanted me and wanted to take me to bed but We have only had a few brief texts today and I am panicking he has changed his mind. He has been working today and helping his brother move house and so I know he has been busy . I text him about half an hour ago and he hasn't replied and I have now had a panic. Reading this makes me look stupid but I can't help how I feel. Last weekend he was texting me all day and this weekend nothing. I just can't control my feelings and then I do stupid things like sending that last text which make me look desperate.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/06/2014 09:33

I don't know your situation but do you think it would be a good idea to step back from dating or being in a relationship for a while? If you're having therapy to combat anxiety it seems counterintuitive to have such a big distraction in the mix causing you panic attacks and instability. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything particularly wrong and, if it all goes pear-shaped because you're behaving desperately, it'll add to your feelings of personal failure.

Perhaps taking control and having the 'I'm not in the right place for a relationship' conversation would give you more confidence than assuming you're going to be dumped?

Original poster
Givemethewords · 01/06/2014 09:44

You are probably right Cog. Do you have any tips on how I can with draw emotionally from this situation ?

OP posts:
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