Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

How do you ask a man.....

13 replies

Givemethewords · 31/05/2014 15:10

I have become friendly with a man over the last month or so and we have shared a few tender moments, kissing, sexual contact but not yet DTD. I want to talk to him about where we both stand whether we have a shared view of where things are going and 'what his intentions are' but am very out of touch with all this. Can someone give me a 'script' of how I could word it without coming over heavy or insecure? Thanks

OP posts:

WildBill · 31/05/2014 15:44

a month? go with the flow - you'll kill a budding romance dead with a convo like this so early on...............

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/05/2014 15:48

What are your intentions? What do you want to happen? In the murky waters that are adult relationships I think you can save a lot of time and a lot of misunderstanding if you take the initiative, nail your colours to the mast and go for what what you want rather than waiting for someone to 'declare their intentions' like a Jane Austen character.

If what you want is to 'DTD' IME you are not going to go wrong with the direct approach. Take your next 'tender moment' (where do you get this stuff!!?) hold his gaze and say 'how about we take this to the bedroom?'. If you're thinking marriage or something more permanent make sure you bar the exits before you broach the subject

Original poster

Givemethewords · 31/05/2014 16:20

Thanks both. Definitely don't want to scare him off with being too heavy and so am going to concentrate on seducing him and seeing where things go over the next few months.

OP posts:

IWillIfHeWill · 31/05/2014 16:46

Sounds like a plan.

Alwaysbuybigpants · 31/05/2014 18:57

I'm going to be a bit controversial here! I think that if you are keen on him, maybe don't jump down his throat (or trousers) right away, let him do a bit of the chasing now. Look at it this way, if you do end up together it's going to be the only time he gets to call the shots. (Lets be honest)
And I know we are meant to be modern, independant women who can sleep with whoever we choose to (and we can!) but if you're wondering where you stand, there's no harm in waiting until he gives a gentle nudge in the 'I'd like to be your boyfriend' direction, surely? I'm sure you are gorgeous and have no trouble seducing blokes, so let this one seduce you.

Original poster

Givemethewords · 31/05/2014 19:15

I really like this guy Always and do want him to do the seducing but don't want to lose him either and struggle with my patience!!!!

Why is this relationship thing such a minefield????

OP posts:

Original poster

Givemethewords · 31/05/2014 21:21

Why am I so stupid. I have text said man because I have missed him today and absolutely no response. How bloody desperate do I look now??? Please help me stop pressing the self destruct button. Can I get this back? I want him to chase me not the other way round. How do I sort this?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/05/2014 21:58

Unless you sent half a dozen increasingly panicky messages saying you missed him... still missing you... where are you??? ... .why don't you reply to me!!!???? etc ... you are unlikely to look desperate on the strength of one unanswered text.

Relax

Alwaysbuybigpants · 31/05/2014 23:30

Don't worry at all, we've all done it!! Dating is fun and exciting but ridiculous at the same time. I did it for years and hated the game playing. I'm sure the text was gratefully received (what did you say, just out of interest?) and he'll get in touch soon. And if he doesn't, at least you haven't begged him to sleep with you. I know I sound a bit old fashioned but you won't be doing any harm by waiting to see if he shows more of an interest. Having said that, you can also play by every 'rule' (ridiculous term) and they can still bugger off for no apparent reason. I'm not making this any easier am I!!
Sit tight, have a glass of wine and try to stay away from your phone. And just have faith - I met all sorts of tossers on my dating journey and then along came a diamond. I wish you all the best matey, I know how crazy all this can make a person.

Minime85 · 01/06/2014 05:11

Hi op it's so hard not to phone watch and send messages like that. I think it's just best to be honest with each other from the start. Hope it goes the way u want it to

Original poster

Givemethewords · 01/06/2014 05:29

Thank you for your kind words. I am so used to be in control that I hate all this. I come over as very self assured which is probably partly what he finds attractive but typically am a wreck underneath. Am going to stay away from my phone today and find some distraction activities.

OP posts:

jaynebxl · 01/06/2014 05:50

When are you due to see him again? Does he often not reply to texts for a while?

Original poster

Givemethewords · 01/06/2014 07:59

I will see him tomorrow - not a date but through work. Last weekend he was texting non stop but I know he was really busy yesterday and was working and helping his brother move house. If they then went out he probably wouldn't text.

Will see if he does today and what he says tomorrow.

Was wondering about writing down my thoughts and feelings to get them out of my system a bit.

OP posts:

Flip