Hi, I've heard that this is the place to come to for advice, so here goes.
In 1990 I moved in with my now husband & due to him nearly losing the house (he'd lived here for 5 years before I turned up) I bought the house from him, just a paper excercise really. Then, we got married & had our children (now 19 & 21).
I always wanted to move, but he would never agree to that, so we stayed put. He became disabled and is now on disability living allowance at the highest rate for mobility & care & I get carers allowance for him. Our son has asperger's syndrome and is doing well now, but because of that & my husband's disabilities, I haven't worked for the last 19 years, but have spent my time volunteering (usually too much).
I've just started work, but only part time and I love going out to work two days a week, but I don't earn much. Our daughter is still at college, but when she gets to 20, part way through next year, we'll lose child tax credit & child benefit.
So, here's the problem. I can't live with this man any longer. I can't cope with the way he speaks to me and our children. He's very depressed because he is in constant pain and can't get about, but he refuses to accept that he's depressed & won't consider aids to help him get about (mobility scooter, stair lift etc).
I can't ask him to move out because he's never wanted to, because this was his house before I came along and because he just wouldn't cope with it.
I have no savings, we live on pension credit, his pension & DLA.
I can't see, realistically, how I can move out, I have no benefits in my name, but the house is in my name so if I move out I'll be making myself intentionally homeless and I don't know if I'll be able to get my rent paid by benefits (until I get full time work) because technically I'll still be paying a mortgage (we get a tiny amount for the mortgage in my husband's pension credit).
If I do work out how to move out, my daughter will come with me because he speaks to her in the same was as he does to me and she would never be able to live with him. My son would probably stay put because he finds change too difficult to cope with.
I need some fresh eyes on this situation because I just can't see a way out. I'm probably depressed too (I've had depression in the past), but I don't want medication this time, so I'm just keeping it together in the hopes that it will pass again.
Any ideas? Please don't suggest counselling, he won't go and he thinks I'm the problem.
Thanks :)