Hand holding needed.

[MamaDoGood]

Does the pain and the ache ever go away? Finally built the courage to ask 'D'P to leave after months of bickering, emotional abuse and confirmed drug use on his part. He is living with his mother.

So why does it hurt so much?
Have been fine all week and then it hit my like a train once I had sent the children to nursery and had time to think.

DC are 4 & 2.

It hurts because you're a human being and it's taken you a long time and a lot of soul-searching to make a serious, life-changing decision. There will be a part of you thinking 'if only'.... he didn't bicker, do drugs, abuse you emotionally.... he'd be a decent guy. There will be a big part of you that is breathing a sigh of relief and the emotional release can be almost painful

If it's any consolation, I think it hurts for shorter period when you've been the one to take the initiative and call time. In the meantime, do you have friends or family you can be with or talk to? Things to do?

Thank you Cogito.

I don't have much RL support no. His family have been my support over the past six years and of course now, that unit has been taken away.

I had a fantastic relationship with his mother. She has since said to me 'all men do it' (go out all night binge drinking, spending all the money, take cocaine, being unreliable) and 'what more do I want from him?' (He works!)

I just want to be loved. Respected. Have someone to rely on.
But it's so lonely.
And so draining.
And I have no more strength.

I'm a mother, you're a mother... No matter how bad our DCs are, we're always going to be their mothers. You can't blame his mother for making ridiculous excuses for him but, at the same time, you can't carry on having a relationship with her either. Pity but that tends to be the way it rolls.

As for love, respect and reliability... look to yourself in the first instance. You've been strong, you've found self-respect and you've demonstrated huge love and reliability for yourself and your DCs. Yes it's draining and yes you're on your own now but those feelings will pass and you should be very proud of yourself that you took a stand.

I'm sat here drinking coffee and MN-ing instead of getting back to a room I'm painting. :) What could you do with your DCs this weekend that would make you feel less lonely, more relaxed and help you get your strength back.