Bit of a thank you really. ..

[TheNewSchmoo]

I discovered Mnet about 7 months ago. I'd been abandoned by the"love of my life" after a whirlwind romance, telling me he loved me, planning the future, the whole works in just 3 months (I know, I know). He did the standard "dumping by just fucking off and not telling you why" bit. Completely vanished mid conversation and I never heard from him again.

I found a lot of the advice really harsh - how dare you all tell me it wasn't love, he loved me, it was real, he was confused etc. Etc. (I'm cringing writing this now). I cried every night. Would have given anything to have him back. Spent a horribly miserable Xmas and New year. Read a lot of MNet. A LOT. Somehow I managed to not contact him. When I was feeling weak I'd have a read.

Well well guess who rocked up full of apologies this week? And do you know what, I have nothing to say to him. Nothing. I'm worth better than that and I genuinely don't know if I would have done the same thing if I hadn't realised my worth through reading these boards.

So thank you. And it's good to know that you'll be here should I have a wobble to tell me to pack it in!

:) :) :)

Tell him to fuck off!

Well done

Hurrah, well done! That's good news. I feel like you; Mumsnet has given me confidence in what is or is not good and caring behaviour. It's a life saver!

Well done, you are worth much more! No wobbles allowed.....

take care and look after yourself!

Good work.

Where you are now, I hope to be soon!

Ok, so I am struggling today. Have had a bit of vino. Why has he put in an appearance? I'm struggling not to contact him and ask him what the fuck he's playing at.

He was gone from my head. I'd moved on. And now we're right back where we were with him constantly on my mind.

Please stop me caving and contacting him.

Did he say anything when he turned up?
To be honest my first guess would be he was also dating someone else, decided to give it a proper try with her so cut contact with you, then it didn't work out or he realised he'd made a mistake so he came crawling back.

Don't give him the time of day, he can't have cared about you or meant what he said to treat you like that. Decent people wouldn't even treat friends like that, never mind a partner!

Even if you tried again it would never be the same because you'd know he's capable of cutting off and not even respect on you enough to explain why.

He wasn't dating anyone else. His gf finished with him and he was looking for a replacement. She went off with someone else.

You're right about everything else though. He's a tit.

Mumsnetters saved me from my own personal dickhead! Haha long live Mumsnet. It clarifies what is the right and wrong way to be treated especially for those who have grown up thinking abuse is the norm because that's all they've known from birth.

Spot on. I have quite low self esteem and have historically put up with loads of crap from arseholes, thinking it was better than to be alone.

I don't believe that anymore.

new I used to be like that, had abusive relationships one after the other despite them always starting well, but would just put up with anything because I felt like they were better than me. It took just over 2 years of actively staying single and building confidence in myself being worth something as an individual before I met my wonderful caring DP, and even then I held back and tried to ignore my feelings to begin with.

I think truly realising you don't need a man and are just as good as your own person gives you the confidence to wait until the right person comes along. It's tricky when you are feeling worthless after a bad relationship to judge if you are being treated as you deserve.

I'd be really bloody angry with him. How dare drop off the edge of the world and then come waltzing back like nothing had happened? Well, guess what, shit has happened and it doesn't include him and his propensity for being an arsehole.

Hey his name isn't James is it? Sounds exactly like some one I knew - many moons ago !

They not all pricks you know x

Just read backwards through the thread.

Please don't contact him. Your post is me, when I was younger. Practically word for word what I would have posted.

This is going to be hard but... He likes you, but he doesn't love or respect you. Your his pick me up. Someone thSt gives his ego a boost.

Oh how I cried over my dick head 'ex'. When he briefly returned I was over the moon. He vanished again quiet soon after.

It's not you, it's him. He has a personality disorder and will be eternally unhappy and always pulling this shit.

There is life after dickheads- honestly. Dp is snoring at the side of me- absolute real love of my life . So uncomplicated - it's lovely .

Don't give up. X

"Why has he put in appearance?"

Bluntly, because he has a vastly inflated view of his own appeal and he thinks you'll leap at the opportunity & be grateful for a few crumbs of attention. It's an expression of arrogance & contempt. He's not apologetic, you're just the 'fall-back'. The 'sure thing'.... .... until he gets a better offer.

Yes, it's better to stay single than get into a relationship with someone with that kind of attitude. Do whatever it takes to block him and then fill your mind and time with something much more interesting.

My 'D'P of 5 years just disapperaed one day. My life was shit at the time and I really needed his support (or so I thought), but I kept NC, and 3 months later I got a call from him.

I stopped myself asking why he was phoning and why he'd dumped me so cruelly after our years together. I just said 'hello' in the cheeriest voice I could muster. He thanked me for being such a wonderful person WTF? - silence from me - then silence from us both - and I eventually said, "I'm really busy - must go". I was so funkin' proud of myself.

It was the start of me truly getting over the tosser him. I've had blips since, like when I heard he had a new partner, and then he's occupied my thoughts again for a few days weeks but I am so glad he is no longer part of my life - I have new new interests, life is good.

So NC is what you must do - you are worth so much more than him. If you get involved in any contact /conversation he'll reel you back in only to dump you again - and the cycle of heartbreak will start again.

You know what you've got to do - NC.

Keep posting on here.

What a nob (him, not you!) Try and put him out of your mind again. HUGS xx

What COG said!

If wine makes you want to text or call then stay off the wine. Don't ask him any questions, you are showing him you are still interested if you do. YOu will never get an explanation, you will have to live with that. Stay NO CONTACT and get on with your life.

NC is the only route to happiness.