Have told hubby that I don't want to go to wedding

[conway]

Have a posh wedding to go to on Saturday , which is one of my hubby work's colleques.
I don,t want to go as I won't know anyone and feel very insecure with all these young beautiful girls.
We are staying away for the weekend without the kids so should feel happy to have a nice weekend away together. I am dreading it as we spend so little time together and when we do I always hate it as he always seems to be more keen on drinking loads than been with me.
I have posted before about my un-happy marriage but never actually get to do anything about it.
I have told him I don't want to go but I know he will somehow persuade me. I have asked for a divorce but he just says everything will be ok once we spend more time together.He is then charming for a while so all forgotten until something happens again.
Please help me go through with it. I have booked an apointment to see my solicitor on Tuesday.
He is out tonight on a boys nightout so won't have to face him.

Conway

I remember you from before and you are fine in your own skin honestly.

You still have a choice, you do not have to allow yourself to be persuaded to go to some occasion you do not have to attend. He may well use charm and persuasion/coercion but stand firm against him.

Why have you never got around to ending this marriage; is it out of fear of the unknown, wanting to maintain the lifestyle that you have for the children?. It also does them no favours either to see you so unhappy, it also teaches them damaging lessons about relationships.

Do see the Solicitor on Tuesday and do not put this off any longer. Nothing has changed in all the time you have written about him.

I don't know your earlier threads OP but you sound way too passive.

You don't ask him for a divorce, you tell him you're divorcing him!

You don't have to go to this wedding at all & he can't make you.

Are you assertive in your day to day life? I'm glad your seeing your solicitor. I'm assuming this is about a divorce, would it help to have some stock phrases you can trot out when he finds out about the divorce to save your getting panicky & ground down?

If you are truly going to divorce then you don't need to go to the wedding.
Perhaps book some things for the weekend, hair appointment, day out somewhere with a friend, a shopping trip?? As long as you have nothing arranged it will be hard to refuse to go, if you say sorry mate, I'm off out with X instead he can hardly force you.

I don't think he is listening. If a partner tells you that they want a divorce, then why he is still doing what he is doing ? That is just silly. Are you sure that he is taking you seriously ?

Yes, this wedding is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, and no, you should not feel guilty in not wanting to go. And he is also quite silly for not taking you seriously. Most guys would be running around like a headless chicken by now ass-kissing, and not asking you to go to someone else's wedding like nothing is happening.

Just say "no", and stand firm. You're a grown adult. He cannot make you go. If he looks silly then he looks silly. If he was smart, then he should've turned down the wedding invite when he have domestic issues at home. I've caught up with your old threads by the way. If he does not come clean before any proceedings, it will just make it hard for him.

Thanks for the advice. I worry about my kids and practical aspects like where to live and the boys private schools. which is why I haven't got any further with the divorce.
My mum and dad have a bad marriage but they just think you should put up with it. I also worry that my kids will always hate me.
To keep me happy my hubby keeps coming up with things that he thinks will make me happy,like a nice holiday,moving to a nice house and a pupppy.
Please give me strength to do this.

To keep me happy my hubby keeps coming up with things that he thinks will make me happy,like a nice holiday,moving to a nice house and a pupppy.

But those things don't make you happy. He is just trying to guilt trip you into staying.

What he is actually doing is ignoring you. You could use the broken record technique with him. "I don't want a holiday, I want you to listen to me", "I don't want a nice house, I want you to listen to me", etc.

You need to think strongly for yourself, because it sounds like you let him buy you into this kind of marriage. To be the little wife. But the question is, do you want this kind of life ? Or do you not ? If you do not, then stand firm and say no. Because the strength can only come from doing the right thing by yourself. You need that clarity and headspace. Make small choices, and stand by them. This will give you the strength. If you do not want to go to this wedding then do not go. If you need to downgrade now, then downgrade now and put the money from the house towards the schooling.