My sister is ambitious. Her grades in school were excellent and she went on to be a civil engineer, and then she was a research scientist within amino acids and fat chemistry, something.
She has always been very proud of her daughter, now 19. She has supported her schooling wholeheartedly, to the point of taking over projects and doing them with her dd, rather than letting her dd do it herself. She has not been able to bear the thought of her dds work being anything but perfect, and if dd did not have the ability, she would take over and help her finish.
My sister has been on disability benefit the last 10 years due to various problems. She is distraught at the loss of career, and feel her intellect is going to pots, and she has no self esteem. I think this is partly why she is so involved in her daughter, and so proud of her. Sh e is always boasting about dds good grades, even to people whose children have not done well in education.
My niece was on track to get A* for everything.
But, there is a bit of a situation. Final year of A levels, and physics teacher suggested a trip to Cern. All the students were keen. In order to achieve this, they started a hefty baking schedule with cake sales once a week and for the pensioners tea dance on Saturday, and home made pizza once a week. So, preparation of cakes twice a week, and pizza once a week. The pupils also had to sell cakes, so half of Saturday since September has been taken up with cake decoration and sales, and cleaning up after selling.
Most of the final year has therefore been taken up with baking. My sister and her dd has baked 6 cakes per week. 3 for Tuesday (usually something simple like brownies, cupcakes, traybakes) for the school, and 3 for the tea-dance. The cakes for the tea dance have been elaborate concoctions. My sister put her life and soul and all her pride into those cakes, Italian creamcakes, tiramisu cakes, cheese cakes, and all beautifully decorated.
Now to the point. In the middle of this, dd has neglected physics. She has not had time to tell her mum, or complain to the school, that they only managed to go through half the syllabus, and that the teacher did not know how to explain anything to the student. DD left midway through her physics exam and got a sick note. She can retake in November. She will not get her leavers certificate.
My sister is a nervous wreck. She is shouting and screaming, crying and hitting herself. She blames dd 100%. The cakes and the baking has nothing to do with the situation. The fact that her dd has never had to take responsibility for her learning has nothing to do with it.
The teacher has been dismissed, and the bad teacher has nothing really to do with it as dd should have been on top of things. How could she? Her dd has always had mum to fight her battles and be on top of things, and she was consumed with confectionary!
My sister says she has waited years for the final day where her daughter would get her certificate and move on to uni. (She will still move on to UNI, she will resit her physics ). My sister is distraught because she has been deprived of watching her daughter get the certificate. She says the trust is gone, and to hell with it, she says she is "done" with her daughter.
I have tried talking to her. It is like talking to a crying screaming harpie.
My niece is moving home to Norway and will live in my dads house, it has a self contained flat. My sister started a kitchen building project that my poor old dad has overseen, and there is a lot of mess in the flat. Too much mess in the flat for niece to come alone and clear it up. Furniture to move and carry downstairs and sell, etc.
My sister says she does not want to go up there. Her dd has ruined my sisters life, she has ruined the summer holidays, how can she relax and rest when her dd has to read physics. And she does not want to be there until november and coach her physics reading.
She does not want to stay behind either, because she says that she is sure she will kill herself if left alone at home in Spain.
My sisters outlook is always catastrophic and pessimistic. Her daughter is more "yeah yeah whatever"
I dont know what to do. If anything.