after 25 years.........

[honeypancakes]

please help someone,

after being with dp for 22 years,,- now x,- I am finally feeling calmer and safer.
even managing to put on weight after years of walking on eggshells around him.

I have 2 dc, and have moved into a small rented house.
my dc are happier and less stressed after our escape from moody/angry/controlling/bullying x-p.

I should have been brave enough to have left 9 years ago, when we sold our home and moved to another county(far away from family and friends, )I felt isolated and alone, everything revolved around what/when xp decided should happen in our daily life.

my question is this, please help.

We own a property, with no mortgage, which is being sold.

at the moment I am being supported financially by benefits, I have managed to find a part time job, to fit in with the school hours.

I don't earn enough to obtain a mortgage, to enable me to purchase a new family home for dc-6 and 15-.
once I receive the 50/50 equity, approx., my benefits will stop, so I will forever have the uncertainty of renting, or having to move, thus disrupting the dc's schooling.

ex-p works erractically so no possibility of regular child maintenance.

i'm stuck.

I will have enough (approx.£70k)for a deposit on a small house, but can go no further than that.
any ideas anyone?

Can you work?

Sorry... Can you work more hours? Is that possible? Why do you have to fit in with school hours- tax credits will pay for childcare?

I am trying to get more hours, It was suggested maybe in September I could work longer.
I haven't worked full time since having dd,

I couldn't earn enough, even if I found full time work, to obtain a mortgage, I need to explore a housing association option.
I guess, I am a bit lost just now, the recent upheaval in our lives , but any advice will be welcomed.

I know...it's an awful feeling, overwhelming. Even if you do have to rent, at least you would have good savings behind you.

Do you have a family member who might want to buy in to the property with you?

Part buy/part rent?

Was there no way you could've stayed in the house?

yes, totally overwhelming,

I am a pretty quiet and calm person, but feel like I have gone through the proverbial ringer for years!

re renting.........as I will have to rent maybe for years to come, my -savings- or equity will slowly diminish, within 3/4 years it will all be used up by rent/overheads etc.

there was no way I could have stayed in the family home, I asked xp to leave, but he refused aggressively telling me to leave.

it is only this week I was told he had many affairs while we were together,
I can see now, that the times he was mad, and out of control, must have been guilt in what he was secretly up to!

i'll look into the buy/part rent, but I think it will be impossible to get a mortgage on only part time work.

thank you for trying to advise,

it seems crazy that women-mainly women- in my situation can receive housing benefit, to provide a home for their children,
instead of turning it into a government "mortgage", which realistically could be repaid sometime in the future.

though with the equity from the sale of the former "family home", I wouldn't receive any benefits until most of the money has gone.?
and we will still be left in a rented house,,no money, and on housing benefits again?????

Even if you have money in the bank which prevents you from receiving certain benefits it's not the end of the world. With a £70k cash deposit, if you invest it sensibly using up your tax-free ISA allowances and shopping around for good savings accounts, it could net you £1,500/year interest. If you pursue your ex for child support, even if he works erratically, you can add to that income and it doesn't count against things like tax credits.

Also worth talking to some independent mortgage advisors about what you might be able to afford on a part-time salary if you haven't done so already. There are still some help to buy schemes out there and you'd be classed as a first time cash buyer.

I know. I'm in not too much of a dissimilar situation myself.

Have you seen a solicitor?

Some mortgage companies (Halifax I think?) take tax credits and maintenance as well as salaries into account....

Could you get a buy to let mortgage and rent a property out?
Have you spoken with a financial adviser?
Could you increase your hours even for a short time to get a mortgage?
What kind of price is the property you need?
Is there a very close family member who could 'hold' the money for you and invest until you can get a mortgage?

Buy to let mortgages aren't normally based on income but on the rental value against the property purchased.
A 70k could be a sufficient deposit on a buy to let.

Err.... 'holding' money so that someone can carry on claiming benefits would be classed as fraud.

By hold I mean, pay towards a family member's mortgage and have some equity in the property? Done legitimately as an investment?
Is that benefit fraud?

Yep... it's called 'deprivation of capital'.

Why is that any different to the fact she already owns a home with ex and has equity?

Have you seen a solicitor? Have you sorted CM and Spousal maintenance?

When I went through this (although I was working) I was awarded more than 50% of the equity because I was the resident parent and my DD was 15 at the time. I was advised that the courts (if it gets that far) are more 'sympathetic' if the resident parent is working even if P/T and given the age of your youngest I'd have thought P/T is reasonable.

FWIW I was awarded CM til she was 18 or had completed higher education and spousal maintenance for 5 years from the date of the consent order. That was a decision reached which was deemed fair and appropriate by the magistrate.

Also, if your ex h has a company pension you would need to put that in the pot as shared assets.

What about a shared ownership scheme?

Whys he getting half if you have two kids together? Could you get a larger share in leu of the fact he isn't in permanent employment.
So sort of maintenance up front out of the house equity.

Get some legal advice about the division of assets.

You may be able to get a mortgage based on your benefits. I am involved with a charity which helps people to do this.
Please PM me if you would like further details

Have you seen a solicitor? 50/50 split of assets may not be the best financial settlement for you and your children. I got a higher amount as DCs lived with me, as well as maintenance for the DCs. If you don't want to see a solicitor yet you could speak to CAB. Shared ownership is a definate option and housing benefit would be available to cover the rental proportion. Also, for benefits purposes, capital earmarked for house purchase in situations like yours can be disregarded for a period of time, as long as DWP are satisfied you are purchasing a new home, so your benefits wouldn't necessarily stop immediately, you might get a couple of months to help you sort out somewhere - a specialist welfare rights advisor would be able to look at this for you.