Telling exh about dcs meeting partner

[RollerCola]

My new partner is going to meet my dcs for the first time this eve. It'll just be brief, he's calling for a coffee and a chat.
We've been seeing each other for 7 mths, the dcs are aware of him and are fine, they've just not met him yet. I've waited until I'm as sure as I can be that it's a serious relationship so hopefully all will go well.

My question is, for those of you who've stayed amicable with your ex, did you tell him when you introduced a new partner to your children?

Ex and I have remained reasonably amicable for the dcs sakes and we're fairly respectful of each other. Ex knows I have a new partner, but I know he won't like it when the dcs meet him.

Do I
A tell him in advance
B tell him after
C not tell him at all and just let him find out.

Trying to see it from the other way round, but I'm not sure really how I'll feel if and when he introduces a new partner.

Dcs are 12 & 8.

Personally, if things are fairly amicable I would tell him prior to meeting the DCs. I'm sure you would like to know if/when their Dad introduces them to another woman?

I would just say that you feel now is the right time to meet and reassure him that it wont change anything with his relationship with them that he will still be their dad etc etc.

Leave it at that.

I haven't been in this situation myself but I THINK I'd want to know, I say think because like you I won't know until it happens.

I think I'd be more unhappy if they met a new partner and I hadn't been told at all.
I think the best thing to do is to let him know it is happening beforehand

I'd tell him. My ex introduced 3 women to my DD and didnt tell me. Then DD spoke about her, takes you by surprise.

Hmm yes I probably would want to know. But I'm not sure I'd want to know the exact date and time as I'd probably just sit there stressing about it. If it was me I guess I'd probably prefer to know it 'had' happened rather than it 'was about to' happen iyswim.

Tell him but don't make it sound as if you're asking permission.

Personally I wouldn't. Didn't with dp. Ex h knew I was seeing someone and that was ok.
He didn't tell me when he was introducing his gf to the kids, didn't tell me when they announced that they were getting married, and didn't tell me either time they announced they were having a baby. We don't have anything whatsoever to do with each other's lives and I'd have found it icky if he had! If the kids want to talk to me/him about the other parent then we are here for them.
Been apart a long time and I get more thankful every day.
If you're close then fair enough but it didn't even cross my mind.

I'd tell him too. My ex and I are similarly amicable and respectful of each other and I made sure he knew when my partner was going to be introduced to our DS. Just last week actually I had a text from him along the lines of 'Just to keep you in the loop, I'm taking DS to meet XXX and her son this weekend. We're keeping it low key and just going to the park for the afternoon. Just wanted you to be kept informed'. I'm fine with it (although admit to having the slightest odd feelings I'm sure we all have when our children meet a new partner) and really respect him for letting me know.

We're not close, but we do unite with anything that involves the children as we will always be their parents.

Just trying to decide what would be the most dignified way to handle it.

Tell him that it's happening in advance, but not exact times. It's only polite and will help stop any feelings of you trying to sneak a new man into you childrens lives.

He's going to find out (perhaps hurt feelings etc?) sometime anyway so you might aswell be upfront and open about it.

I told ex that I'd started dating, just as a courtesy in case someone mentioned seeing me out on a date. Then when it came to dp meeting the DCs, it happened as a spontaneous thing (babysitter let me down) so there wasn't an opportunity to speak to ex about it beforehand, but I explained this to ex the next time the DCs went to his house.

Had it been a planned meeting I'd have probably said something beforehand.

As far as I know he hasn't been on any dates or anything (2 years later) but if he did I would trust his judgment on introducing the dcs to someone new when he saw fit. It would feel like the polite thing to do if he mentioned it to me first, but I'd understand if that didn't happen for whatever reason.

Is there anything else you could tell him about ie routine stuff and then just a line in about them meeting your bf ?

If you have always done things that way then it would be nicer to tell him but only you know your history

Assuming he checks with you, then I would mention it in advance. Did you agree a point where new partners could be introduced? Seven months is still quite early on where children are involved but that's for the two of you to agree on.

Oh definitely let him know, (and be prepared to cut him some slack if he reacts a bit funny) Events like this can stir crazy feelings of insecurity and jealousy in even the most stable of people!!) But as a poster above said you are not asking permission.

You both sound like lovely sensible people and I'm sure it'll work out well. Completely disagree with HappyMummy 7 months is plenty long enough to have waited.

7 months is plenty long enough. What if your dc and DP don't hit it off and you decide you can't continue in a relationship with him? So much harder to do the longer you're together. You and your dc come as a package so your DP has to spend time with you together to know how he fits into your life.

Thanks for all your replies. I have told my exh now and he was ok about it (for now). He actually thanked me for telling him so I'm glad I did and I know now he'll tell me when the time comes.