so what do other's think

[MrsIrony]

my daughter spoke to me last night a bit upset. Back story. Dad met someone within weeks of us splitting. Behaves like a love sick teenager. My daughter has been watching this and has commented on more than one occasion "well at least I know where I stand with dad now, third after her and her kids". All of his communication starts with "G and I would like, G suggests that you and I" etc etc. She normally just rolls her eyes and says what a knob he is. He has been on two holidays with this G and in both instances taken her to the places we all went as a family and the latest place is where we met and got together as a couple and would go to a bit before our daughter was born. Also took her for a special 'daddy daughter' week a couple of years ago. When he told her where they were going she was, understandably, upset. His reaction? If you are going be like that over my relationship then I'll just take you back home, I don't want you upsetting G. She got over that (?) and saw him off anyway. So this week, every day selfies to her mobile of them on the beach, in the apartment, swimming, etc etc. She's getting a bit pissed about it but pretending to brush it off. Finally last night she said out loud "oh for god's sake, he's gone too far this time" I asked her what. She said "he's just sent a text saying what a wonderful time they are having, describing what they've been doing and that they had a wonderful evening the night before skinny dipping on the beach (won't name it because I believe he's on here). She sent a text back saying too much information Dad. His response "why can't you just be happy for me". Am I in some parallel universe? Does this guy that I spent 20 years with even have a brain? Or am I, and my daughter, just mad?
She's now sent another text saying that she's fed up with him giving her blow by blow accounts of his relationship and to leave her alone.

No doubt the normal response, = I suppose your mum has told you to say that. She's nearly 17. Not like she's not going to have views of her own is it. I can't stand to see her hurting like this. I can't stand her seeing what a knob her dad is. I want her to respect and look up to him, but she regards him with derision.

It's just so sad.

Sounds like you and DD are a bit more on the ball than your Ex!

Is he somehow trying to make himself appear happier than he actually is? A kind of 'transference'? It's a bit weird giving blow-by-blow accounts of a relationship to anyone let alone your kid. A bit odd IMO and suggests something else is going on in his head than just trying to get approval from DD.

So no, your not in a parallel universe, unless I am too!

What's that about respect being a privilege and not a right? There will be an element of your DD being loyal to you as well as her being hacked off with his ridiculous/insensitive behaviour & that she's playing second fiddle to his grand passion. The relationship your ex has with your DD is entirely his responsibility, and whining 'why can't you be happy for me?' is really not helping increase his respectability.

Sounds exactly like my EXH. He was recently informing our DDs that his ex-gf was now his 'friend with benefits'. What a twat.

Hmmm, I thought it sounded like trying to justify a decision he regrets. Or perhaps pretend it's been like this all along and she needs to fit in with his new life as if his girlfriend has always been there.

He's either feeling guilty or less happy than he's making out or he's deeply selfish and immature. Either way he's being a dick.

It sounds like your DD has been really reasonable up till now and any teenager would be reluctant to hear tales of skinny dipping. Are the girlfriend's children younger and more malleable? Because I would be embarrassed if my mum's boyfriend got his tackle out on holiday!

Why doesn't his girlfriend object to going to these significant places?
Oh, it's all so icky!

Yes that sounds very strange and immature, what bloody dickhead.

My ex is similar in that he cannot see how his children might be affected by his actions.

He has had 3 more babies all announced on face book and his fb is also full of pics of the new babes and none of ours.

I don't do fb but spoke to him the other day about it and said that at 12 it's only a matter of time before dd wants fb and might be upset at seeing no pics of her or her brothers.

He acted as if I was mad even suggesting it, said "it doesn't affect her" yeah right ok.
At east your dd had seen it for herself.

Glad you are agreeing with me and daughter. He sent a message back denying that all his messages contain stuff about his relationship giving examples of when he asked her what she was doing etc.

She told me this and I just said "yes well. Just remember it wasn't about what he has or hasn't said to you, it was all about you telling how you feel. You have a right to have those feelings and don't let him minimise or diminish them" Also does he not get it? Surely telling your teenage daughter that you got your todger out and was swimming naked with the girlfriend is way TMI for any daughter whether it was with a girlfriend or her mother. He's getting on for 50 FFS!!!

He sounds just like my Dad, who falls endlessly in and out of love and it's always the true one and can't we (the 6 kids he has from 3 marriages ages 38-16) just be happy for him. Lots of details about how wonderful the women are. Sorry...I have no answers, except that I doubt he will change. Just let your daughter know that you think he is behaving like a love sick teenager, and you know it must be hard for her, but her own life and loves are just around the corner so ignore the silly old fart for now and soon she'll (hopefully) be wonderfully love-struck herself. Her father is angling for the center of her attention. Let her know it's OK not to put him there. And to take a laid back approach to his OTTness about his relationship. try not to let it upset either you or your daughter.

Her kids are much younger than my dd. As is new girlfriend. They are on holiday on their own. She doesn't know these two places were where we went as a couple and as a family. DD is not allowed to say anything.
He does sleep with her when he goes to her house when the kids are there. Apparently her kids snuggle up with them in bed. He felt the need to share that little nugget with my dd too. And he relayed the story to her about how cute it was when Girlfriend's DD told him that she loved him. I can't begin to imagine the feelings that stirs in my daughter.

He was a pretty hands off dad with our daughter and felt the pull of the golf club more than fatherly love. But now he's the doting parent to these other two children that aren't his; She sees it so painfully clearly now.

It hurts to see her hurt.

How horrible for your DD. He sounds like he's acting like a teenager. I agree with the other poster who said it sounded like he was perhaps trying to sound happier than he actually feels.

could it be that he has nobody else to boast about his new relationship to apart from your DD?

also could he be telling her things/sending photos in the hope she will tell/show you in an attempt to make you jealous?

He sounds like an emotionally immature idiot, bu then you probably know that from sad sorry experience. Your poor dd. he is way out of order with these messages, no advice sorry but I agree with you.

He's a prat. Get your daughter a new phone.